


Moonlight dancing

by Hanada, wearingmywings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angels are Dicks, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kidnapping, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Romance, Slow Burn, Spoilers, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-11-30 11:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11462466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanada/pseuds/Hanada, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearingmywings/pseuds/wearingmywings
Summary: Set during season 12.Cas comes home after looking for Kelly, without success. Dean waits for him, welcomes him back and convinces him to stay, but all three notice soon that some things are still haunting them.  Together they have to come to terms with the past, make plans for Lucifer's son, and deal with the unexpected that their lives throw at them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!!  
> I have NO idea how long this fic will end up being, and I hope you enjoy if you decide to tag along. I'll try to update as often as possible, if you feel up to it please leave a comment and tell me what you think!  
> Updates at least once a week. :)
> 
> Please let me know if you think I should add something to the tags. 
> 
> This work is written by me and beta-read and made better by my friend Hanada, who for that reason is the co-creator of this story. 
> 
> The first chapters are quite short, but they get longer x
> 
> Enjoy reading x

"Hello Dean."

Dean sighed. No matter how fucked up everything seemed to be, that familiar greeting would always feel like home to him.

"Hey Cas. You got a minute?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"I just.. after all the crap with the British Men of Letters and Mary.."

Cas interrupted him immediately. "You're still calling her Mary? Dean, you need to talk to her about this."

"And then what, Cas?", Dean spit out angrily, "their work helps people, they're doing good things, she ain't gonna stop. She made that very clear last time."

"They did lower the amount of supernaturally related murders significantly in the whole midwest over the past few weeks. If Sam has forgiven her and agreed to work with them, why can't you, Dean?"

"That's the point, Cas. I don't buy it. How can Sam just forgive, forget and move on? They tortured him, for christ's sake."

"Dean.. I don't know what to tell you exactly, but if you don't start trusting Sam to make his own decisions, you will end up in another fight with them, and I'm not there to pick you back up then. I'm still in Maine with Crowley."

"Well..yeah, whatever. That lead on Luci's boy get you anything?"

"Not really. I presume that we were given false information. I am gonna start to head home tomorrow though, as I see no point in continuing my search here. Crowley isn't the best company either." 

Dean could hear murmuring in the background, probably Crowley cursing Cas, which was always oddly entertaining.

"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow. Good night, Dean."

"Night, Cas."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas' texts are in bold, Dean's are in italics.

Dean woke up feeling well rested, looking forward to Cas arriving later that day. Still sleepy, he rubbed his eyes and checked his phone.

**How many ways are there to choke someone with only one hand? I want to keep driving home, but I also would really enjoy seeing Crowley suffocate.**

Dean chuckled, an odd and warm feeling spreading in his chest reading Cas refer to the bunker as 'home'. Took him long enough to accept his place in their screwed up little family.

Family. Dean sighed. He didn't look forward to facing Sam's bitchface about his sudden departure the night before, nor did he want to discuss anything related to his mother or the British Men of Letter. He starts typing a reply to Cas.

_the dude did save your life a few weeks ago. i'd go easy on him._

Cas' reply came only seconds later: **He smeared cinnamon on my coat and tried to set me up on multiple dates with waitresses. He seems to agree on your fondness for their smell of food.**

Dates? Why the hell would Crowley want to set Cas up for dates? Dean furrowed his brows and started typing again.

_well, did you end up meeting up with any of those girls? bet they were heartbroken if you didn't show up._

**No, Dean. I'm not here to meet women.**

_well, how about some dudes then? no judgement on my side, buddy. get a good looking waiter or cashier or whatever you're into and have some fun. what's stopping you?_

He didnt't really know why he said that. Fittingly, Cas' reply took a lot longer than before. Dean got up, took a shower and after getting dressed, went to make breakfast. Sam was nowhere to be found, but Dean figured he was probably out running errands. After he sat down at the kitchen table with his second cup of coffee, Cas finally wrote back.

**Dean, I've told you before, gender does not matter to me, and I'm not 'into' any of your suggestions. Also, I'd think it would be rather rude to engage in anything with strangers while knowing that I'd immediately leave them the next minute due to my duties.**

_you don't have to, y'know. you could just hang out a bit, chill a little. you went through a lot of shit as well, you deserve a little break._

Dean had no idea why he kept pressing on the issue. Well, maybe he had, but that wasn't something he wasn't interested in thinking about right now.

 **There is something better waiting at home for me though**.

Dean did a double take looking at that message. Surely Cas meant the comfort of the bunker, his home, right? Or being reunited with him and Sam? Before he could reply to him, a second text came in.

**I have to resume driving now. I will see you in approximately seven hours and thirtyeight minutes.**

_see ya, Cas_.

Dean placed his phone on the table a little too harshly. What was wrong with him? Frowning, he placed his empty cup in the sink, not bothering to rinse it out. Sammy was on kitchen duty. He took his phone, slid it into the back pocket of his jeans and made his way to one of the rooms he and Cas found a while ago, far away from the kitchen or any of the bedrooms. It was packed with boxes, books and glasscontainers full of dubious stuff. He'd wanted to look through everything and see if anything interesting could be found. At least a good way to kill the time until Cas was back, he thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas' texts are in bold, Dean's are in italics. 
> 
> Also, we're just ignoring how the bunker doesn't have an address. Or, not one that Dean would use.

Dried flowers, feathers of some kind, weird cerulean powder that kind of shimmered like rainbow along with books about witchcraft that were so old that they were almost falling apart.

“The fuck is this?” Dean murmured, grabbing a black book with dark red enochian symbols on it. He turned it over in his hands, but didn't recognize any of the symbols. He sighed, stood up and batted the dust and spiderwebs from his jeans that seemed to be permanently attached since he started looking through the room. Grabbing the book and his phone, he went to the kitchen to get a beer.

Dean had no idea how long Cas wanted to stay, since he didn't sleep he didn't have a room, what was he going to do while both of the brothers slept? Did he even want a room for himself?

Dean opened the fridge and grabbed a beer along with the last blueberry muffin he baked during a nervous night break down a few days ago. He recently discovered that producing a ton of food helped a lot with calming down, although their kitchen was now completely full of pie, muffins and quiches. Walking past the kitchen table he saw a note on it.

Got a ghoul case roughly six hours from here. Will probably be back in two or three days. Don't eat all the sugar, you'll get cramps again. - S

There was his answer as to where Sam was. Dean groaned. Not only did Sam come back and leave without talking to him, he didn't even tell him where the case was? And what was he thinking leaving a motherly and caring comment like that after the fight they had. Dean was angry at him, for god's sake. Giving the note a final glare, he walked out of the kitchen to get his gun for some shooting sessions. He _really_ felt like blowing off some steam.

He had nearly reached his room when he suddenly stopped, then went back a few steps. He opened the door to the room right next to his and true to what he thought, he found the room empty but clean. They had prepared it for Charlie when she wanted to visit more, but that hadn't really happened. He remembered fondly how she complained about the other room she always stayed in, how it was too cold and too far from the kitchen. Now though, Cas could have it.

Dean put his beer down by the door and checked the lightswitch, since most of the lightbulbs didn't really work anymore. He had stopped working on the room and had never replaced it after it became clear that Charlie wouldn't be visiting. After a few clicks, nothing happened. A trip to home depot it is then, restocking on some lightbulbs. He could also check out some of the furniture the shop right next to it had, maybe look for some decoration to make Cas' room more inviting. He grabbed his phone and shot a message to Cas, asking when he would be home while walking to the garage. He wanted this to be a surprise for him. He didn't even have time to put his phone back in his pocket when it buzzed with Cas' replies.

**Hello Dean. I'm currently at a gas station in Des Moines, Iowa. I should be home in around six hours.**

**What have you been doing today? Crowley left an hour ago and I've been enjoying this silence a lot.**

Dean laughed. Leave it to Cas to ask nicely about someone's day while insulting someone else in the same sentence.

_been looking through some of the other rooms. got a ton of crap in them, maybe we can look through all of it together once you're back?_

Throwing his wallet and phone on the passengers side of the front seat, Dean slipped behind the wheel and drove out of the garage. It was a nice autumn day, fresh air right after it had rained for days, colorful leaves scattered over the roads. He rolled down his window a little and turned on the radio. To the home depot, accompanied with some good old Zep. Yesterday a badass hunter, today a housewife remodeling the bedroom. Well, anything for Cas, right?

Dean tried very hard not to really think about that. Ever since Cas nearly died he kept replaying the whole day in his head again and again. What if Crowley didn't know how to save Cas? What if Cas had died right there and then? Dean had lost far too many people and felt this ugly, cold pit growing inside his chest as soon as he thought about the possibility of Cas leaving too. Shivering, he pushed all the thoughts of Cas dying away and concentrated on the task on hand.

He had just turned into a parking space, coincidentally right in front of the store. He put Baby in park, put his wallet and phone back into his pockets and got out of the car. The wind that had only been a fresh breeze before had turned into a freezing blast of air that immediately teared at his jacket. Wincing, he zipped it and hurried over to the store. He stepped inside and let the warmth of the shop envelop him. Dean wandered through the isles, picked out the lightbulbs he needed and stopped in front of a beautiful, light blue sofa. Cas would need something to sit on for his room, but a bed didn't make that much sense considering he didn't sleep.

"Hey pal, can I help ya?" A friendly looking guy came up to him. "Good eye you got there. It's hella comfy and it's a pull out too."

"Yeah, think I'll take it. You have delivery?" Dean asked.

"Sure thang we do, bud. Just gimme your address and you got yourself a nice new couch tomorrow morning. Ten okay?" The store clerk asked, taking a notepad and scribbling something down, then slapping the note onto the couch.

"Yeh, that's fine, thanks." Dean gave him his address and made his way to the cashier.

"Afternoon,", the cashier lady smiled, "you remodeling the house? 'Cause if you are I'd offer you our card, you'll get 20% off your next purchase of furniture or textils."

Dean thought about it for a second. A discount could come in handy, especially considering how much stuff he still needed. "Sure. And yeah, I'm remodeling some rooms in our..house" If she noticed his slight hesitation, she didn't show it. Accidentally telling the cashier that he was living in a huge mystic bunker maybe wasn't the best idea.

"'Our'? You livin' with a pretty lady then?" She smiled while tapping in the code for the couch delivery.

"Well, uh, actually I-"

"Oh, you got a pretty man then? No worries darling, we're good folks here. You should bring him with you to chose the wall colors next time. Bet you two are real cute together." She winked at him and Dean reddened even further. "There we go sweetie, you're good to go. See you then"

"Yeah, uh, bye." Dean grabbed the wall decoration and left the shop. While driving home, he definitely wasn't thinking about how he didn't correct the woman when she made assumptions about his living situation.

He definitely, definitely didn't.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my beta is my best friend Hanada and she makes this ten times better too x

Spiders were horrible. And there was a very big fella right on the broken lightbulb in Cas' new room. Dean had discovered it when he was already on the ladder and nearly fell down when it suddenly crawled across his hand. Dean absolutely did not start flailing his arm like a madman to get it off of him as quickly as possible. Soon though, the spider was gone and he resumed working on changing the lightbulb, trying to get the old thing lose and out of its socket.

"Hello Dean."

"JESUS FUCK!" Dean yelped as he was startled by the greeting. He lost his balance and fell down on the floor. "Thanks for the warning Cas. Real smooth."

Cas frowned, looking at him. "I'm sorry Dean, I thought I had timed my arrival so you would know when I was going to be home exactly. Do you need help?" 

Dean sighed, shaking his head. "Yeah Cas, a hand would be nice here."

Cas walked over to him and pulled him onto his feet singlehandedly. "Thanks," Dean muttered while slapping the dust off of the back of his jeans. "Great, I just washed those. Your way back was fine though? No problems? I remember I wanted to check up on your shitty car." Dean looked at Cas and noticed how he quickly flicked his eyes to his face. What had he been looking at?

"Yes, everything was fine," Cas replied quickly, then frowned. "I would appreciate you not insulting my car though. Crowley has certainly done enough of that during our time together."

Dean winced. Being stuck with Crowley for so long couldn't have been nice. "Sorry man, won't happen again. Ain't like I don't get it though."

He smiled then and walked over to the light switch on the wall. He flicked it on and voilá, the room was in a bright but nice glow. Dean specifically looked for the kind of lightbulbs that imitate sunlight, since Cas enjoyed being outside a lot. "Hey, you wanna go make some food? I'm starving," Dean proposed while throwing away the old lightbulb and the packaging of the new one.

"Yes, that sounds nice." Cas did this kind of smile that only ever was visible in his eyes, and Dean couldn't help but feel immensely happy that Cas was home again. He spent enough time worrying about his family.

Dean made them grilled cheese and tomato soup while Cas studied the fridge's contents. Holding a package of microwaveable fries in one hand and a can of soda in the other, he turned to Dean. "If you continue your diet like this, you'll suffer from high cholesterol and it's side effects when you're older," he said. Dean shrugged.

"I like that stuff Cas. Ain't gonna grow old enough to die from cholesterol anyways. Not in this line of work anyways", he replied, taking out two plates and placing them on the table.

"Bobby didn't die young. And we've overcome so much together, I don't think it's wise to view life as you do." Cas picked up a piece of toast and dipped it into the soup.

Dean stopped eating, a spoon with soup halfway to his mouth. "Well, sorry to burst your bubble Cas, but my life so far has taught me that positive things aren't just out there waiting for you. If I ran around hoping for rainbows and butterflies, I would've kicked it a long time ago. Ain't nothing wrong with being prepared, so my best guess is that I won't grow old enough to die of clogged veins because of crappy diner food. Most old hunters are alone and miserable. Thanks, but no thanks."

Silence fell over the table. Both continued eating, neither wanting to interrupt the break and risk starting a fight. Then, Dean heard a clinking sound and looked up. Cas had put his spoon down on the table and was looking directly at him. "You wouldn't be alone", Cas said.

Dean looked back at him, confused. "What?"

"You wouldn't be alone. Or, at least you wouldn't have to be. You have Sam, you have me. I'm not sure if you still think Sam might leave and do something different, but I can assure you that he would not do so. If you don't believe me on that, then trust me when I say that I would stay." Cas picked up his spoon again and continued eating. Dean stared at him, unsure of what to say. After a few minutes, Dean cleared his throat and mumbled a quiet thanks.

The rest of the dinner continued in silence. Dean got up before Cas was done, walked over to the sink and started rinsing his bowl, as well as the pan he used to make the grilled cheese. After a minute, Cas came up behind him and placed his bowl next to the sink. Wordlessly, the angel picked up a dish towel and started drying the already cleaned dishes. Dean looked at him from the side, studying his face. There was a slight frown to Cas' face, as if something had upset him. Dean chose not to pry and instead finished rinsing the second bowl. Immediately, Cas reached for it and their fingers brushed. Dean looked up again and found the angel looking at him. Cas smiled, which made Dean feel warm all over. The hunter shut off the water and dried his hands on a second towel.

"Hey, uh, do you wanna go watch some Netflix? They uploded a new animal documentary, I thought you'd like to watch it since I picked the movie last time." Dean busied himself with putting the leftover ingredients back in the fridge and cupboard. When it was done, he turned and found Cas smiling at him again. 

"I'd like that very much", the angel replied.

"Awesome. Good. Great. Yeah, let's.. do you want a beer?" Dean rummaged in the fridge and produced two beers, handing one to Cas. "Let's go watch the shit out of that documentary."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-read by my wonderful friend aka Hanada x

When Sam came home a few days later, he found Dean and Cas sitting in the library. Dean studied something on his laptop with his phone and an empty mug sitting next to it, while Cas was reading a huge black book with enochian engraved into the leather. Both men looked up when he trampled down the stairs and came over to their table. 

"Hey Cas!" Sam sat his duffel on a chair for a second. The angel looked up and gave him a genuine smile. 

"Good morning Sam. How has your hunt been?" Cas asked while not so subtly looking at Dean's face. The older hunter just stared at his computer screen. 

"It was fine," Sam replied, "the hunt went well. Did I miss anything here?" 

"Well- " Cas started when Dean interrupted him. 

"No Sam, you didn't miss anything. Cas and I just hung around and bought some damn stuff for his room since he said he'd stay, isn't that nice? Someone being honest to you and telling them what they're gonna do? Really appreciated that." Dean turned in his chair and crossed his legs, throwing Sam a challenging look.

Cas swallowed and started to speak up. "Uhm, Dean.." 

"Well, Dean," Sam said, looking angrily at his brother, "some people just make up their minds about the right decision very late. Being able to chose the thing that will benefit the most people over personal issues is also a skill that I'd appreciate in any friend." 

"Personal issues?" Dean yelled, jumping up from his chair. "You call them torturing you 'personal issues'? Fuck yeah it's personal if they hurt my baby brother. I cannot believe you chose to just ignore what happened!" 

"First of all Dean, I'm not a child anymore, and second, I'm not ignoring anything! The woman who did this isn't here anymore and I feel like they are genuine with what they want. Wouldn't you want to hunt less? Wouldn't you sleep better knowing there are far less monsters out there?" Sam sighed. "Look, we can't be everywhere at the same time Dean, and you know it! People will always die because of monsters we failed to see early enough, but with the help of Mick, Ketch and the others we might actually be able to completely exterminate some monster groups. Isn't that more important than being angry at them and not helping?" 

Cas could see that Dean's hands were shaking with how angry he was. "Don't try and make this about the greater good, Sammy. Do not play that card. You damn well know how much we gave up for the 'greater good', can't you understand what this felt like? I spent my whole life protecting and caring for you, I feel guilty every time you ever get as much as a scratch, and now you're forcing me to work with the people who actively tortured you? Can you not SEE what this is like? I have spent enough time sacrificing things or doing things because of a so called greater good, and to be honest, I'm tired of it. I want to tear down every single one of these pantsuit fuckheads without worrying about damning humanity." 

Sam looked exasperated. "Dean-"

"Enough!" Cas slammed the book he had been reading in shut and stood up. "Both of you have a point, but both of you fail to see the others. You continuously fail to communicate about the most important things and this has been your issue since the day that I first met you." Both hunters looked at him, surprised. 

Dean rubbed a hand over his face. "I need a beer," he said and turned to leave. 

"Good choice Dean. Grab a bottle instead of finishing this conversation," Sam said, fully aware Dean would hear him. The older hunter stopped walking and turned around to face his brother. Before he could say anything though, Cas intervened again. 

"Sam, this is not the time. You're tired and you should rest." The angel picked up Sam's duffel and handed it to him. "Dean, you-"

"It's fine, Cas. I'm just gonna go and be toxic somewhere else." Dean grabbed his phone off the table and stormed off.  
"Shit." Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes. Looking defeated, he shouldered his duffel bag. He gave Cas a sad smile, then turned and walked out of the library. Cas watched him leave, then he picked up his book and walked to his room.

He placed the book on the small birch wood table he had bought with Dean during Sam's absence and after his couch had arrived. Dean never told the angel that he'd ordered furniture, which led to Cas being surprised and very happy about the hunter's thoughtfulness. The couch was comfortable and he had sat on it every night after that, reading through all the old books and documents Dean had found in one of the storage rooms while Cas had still been on the road. The one he was currently reading included some old stories about witches, how some witches find their power and use it for good, along with some theories on how catastrophic historical events were used to channel power for extremely exhausting spells. The angel continuously shared the new information with Dean, excitedly retelling everything he read in the smallest detail, while the hunter tried his best to listen and follow along with the numerous jumps in time Cas made while trying to be as historically accurate as possible.

There was one book however, which he did not talk to Dean about. It was a small sort of novel, bound in leather that was dyed in a dark green color and almost falling apart at its spine. It was quite old; Cas guessed it was written sometime in the early second century. It told a story about an angel who dismissed orders and neglected his duties because nothing was more important to him than protecting the human he had been assigned to protect. The human was a young woman. The angel didn't inhabit a vessel in the first years, but merely communicated with her through dreams and thoughts. Later on, the seraph chose a young, strong male vessel and met the human for the first time in the flesh. They fell in love, but when other angels heard of it the woman was killed, since relationships between angels and humans had been cursed since the creation of humanity. Castiel always guessed there were reasons; rules simply didn't come out of nowhere. While reading the story, he couldn't help but be reminded of Dean and himself, how Cas chose the human over and over again, let himself believe in something different than what he had been told in his entire existence.  
Angels and humans weren't supposed to be together, yet there were countless love stories scattered across the world, told over centuries. Heaven's soldiers weren't even supposed to feel anything at all besides the importance of their duty and loyalty to heaven, yet Castiel knew firsthand how strong emotions were and how they dominated his decisions every day since the day that he met Dean. 

The story from the small green novel ended horribly and sadly, yet Cas had read it countless times already and kept it hidden under a couch pillow at all times, afraid to misplace it. He was clear about his own feelings; he knew what he wanted but he also knew the impossibility of his feelings being reciprocated, not to mention that stories of angels and humans never ended well. 

Castiel smiled fondly and softly stroked the book's battered leather binding. The angel in the book shared all his secrets with his love, revealing his weaknesses and doubts, and she comforted him, giving advice or just holding him to battle the loneliness that accompanies a fallen angel. Cas placed the book carefully behind the pillow, stood up, and left his room. He had to go look for Dean.

The older hunter wasn't in his room, but the Impala's keys sat on his desk, meaning he had not left the bunker, at least not very far. Castiel went to the kitchen, but Dean wasn't there either. After checking the gun range, the gym, and the storage room they had been working on, he didn't really know where to look anymore. He went to Sam's room and knocked lightly. After a second, the man's soft voice called for him to come in.

Cas opened the door and found Sam sitting on his bed, wearing his pajamas and reading something on his computer. As the angel stepped into the room fully, the hunter closed his laptop and set it on his bed next to him. He smiled at Cas.

"Hey Cas", he said. "Are you alright? You look kind of.. exhausted?" 

"I would say that I am. I can't find Dean, do you know where he might have gone? I looked everywhere in the bunker."  
Sam was quiet for a moment. Then, "maybe he's outside? He started taking walks sometimes, since the forest behind here is pretty big and I think I heard him talk about a small cabin he found once. That's my best guess." He picked up his laptop again. "Let me know when you find him and make sure he is okay, please."  
Cas smiled at him. "Of course, Sam. Thank you. I'll go look for him outside."

He closed the door behind him and checked his phone. No new messages. The angel frowned and put his phone back in his coat pocket. Time to continue looking for Dean then.

When he reached the bunker's door and pulled it open, he saw that it was night outside. He had completely lost track of time apparently. He carefully made his way through the trees behind the bunker, meeting a few frightened squirrels on his way. He walked for about half an hour, the part of the forest he was in right now being very thick and not letting in any light from the night sky. He started going uphill slightly until suddenly there were fewer trees. Eventually, he reached a small clearing on the top of a hill. There were a few small bushes scattered across it and the grass was long and specked with wildflowers of different shapes and colors. The moon was full, so the clearing was dipped in silver light bright enough that even a human could see almost everything. In the middle of the meadow sat a dark figure, looking up at the sky. 

Cas smiled, he had found Dean.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-reader and support behind this is again my wonderful Hanada x

Castiel slowly approached Dean, walking carefully through the field of flowers to not unnecessarily destroy any of them. The clearing was truly beautiful and he felt it humming with the lives of thousands of small insects living in it. 

He came to stand a few feet behind Dean, who was still sitting on the ground and staring at the stars. The night sky was astonishing; there was a complete lack of light from the ground and it was clear of clouds, the countless stars visible, blinking and shining, forming constellations all over the black of the night. 

"Quit hovering behind me, Cas." The hunter turned his head, "just.. sit. It's fine." 

Cas nodded and came forward, slowly sitting down cross- legged next to Dean, leaving a few inches of space between them. After a few seconds of heavy silence while both of the men just silently staring at the sky, Dean spoke up. 

"Do you know them all? The constellations I mean. I only know a few, taught them to Sammy when he was younger. I think that one there is the sign for Aquarius?" He pointed to a constellation right above them. 

Cas nodded. "That's true. And yes, Dean, I know all the constellations." 

"What's your favorite one?" Dean asked, looking at Cas' face from the side. Cas turned his head and looked at him, then looked away again, his eyes quickly scanning the sky. "This one," the angel said after a second and pointed to the far right, "it doesn't exist in human constellation books, I found it myself. It looks like a flower to me." 

Dean squinted to where Cas was pointing, but couldn't find it. Cas noticed and took Dean's hand, pointing it in the right direction. The movement made the hunter lean closer to him and their shoulders brushed. 

"There. It should be right above your finger now." A few seconds of more squinting, then the hunter smiled. 

"I see it! It looks beautiful." 

Cas had to bite his tongue at that. Looking at his friend's face in the silver lighting of the moon? Very few things could compare. Dean noticed the angel looking at him, still holding onto his wrist, and his smile faded a little. Slowly, he let his arm sink down and Cas removed his hand, however the newfound closeness of their sitting position remained unchanged, their arms and shoulders lightly brushing. 

Dean looked at the sky again. He absentmindedly fumbled with a lose strand on his jeans, biting his lip. 

"It's just hard, you know." The words were spoken softly, almost too quiet to hear even in the silence of the night. Cas would have missed them had he not still been looking at the hunter's face and saw his lips moving. 

Furrowing his brows, he asked, "What is?" 

"Having her back. Mom, I mean. It's incredible, don't get me wrong, but it's just a lot to take in. I remember her being caring and just always there for me when I was younger, and now.. I don't know, man. I hate to disagree with her and I hate that she has trouble living like this now, with children that aren't babies anymore and I want to DO something, but what? I can't agree with her on something that is against everything I have done my whole life. The one thing I thought I could do, and failed doing so many times." Dean ripped the lose thread out of his jean's seam and threw it into the grass. 

Of course Cas immediately knew what he was referring to. "The things that have happened to you and your brother were often enough out of your control, Dean. You raised him when you were too young to do so and you still did an amazing job. Sam is a wonderful man. Do not ever doubt yourself on that, or doubt that this had nothing to do with your presence." 

Dean huffed at that, but Cas continued, "I can only guess how Sam feels right now, he cannot understand the pain you're feeling over all of this because he never was in the situation you are in right now, not from your point of view. Don't be angry at him for something he can't understand, but try to explain it to him in a matter that will make it clearer."

"You're probably right that I should talk to him again. I'm just tired right now, you know? I feel like I need a break from everything and everyone." He looked at Cas, who never once stopped looking at the hunter's face. Now though, he frowned slightly. 

"You should have said that earlier Dean. I will leave you for now then." Castiel moved to stand up, but Dean immediately reached out, a hand on the angel's forearm. 

"I didn't mean a break from you, Cas." 

Then, after a beat, "Never from you." Castiel looked at him, his surprised expression quickly changing into a soft smile. 

None of them said anything for a few minutes but resumed looking at the sky or around the clearing, neither commenting on the fact that Dean's hand was still lying on Cas' arm. 

"Did I ever tell you about Naomi?" The angel's question surprised Dean, he turned towards Cas slightly and shook his head no. 

"I mean, I know bits and pieces of it but other than the fact that she manipulated you? Not really." 

"She manipulated me, yes. Not only was it confusing but it was painful and I forgot about it every time it happened. Remembering was absolute agony every single time, and then it happened again, and again, and again until I couldn't think because the pain was ever-present. The worst of it all though, was that she trained me. Specifically, to kill you. The angels told me that you were a danger to Heaven's safety, that you would try to steal the angel tablet and destroy the angels, and I BELIEVED her, Dean. Your soul is the brightest I have ever seen and she made me believe you were evil and just using me for my grace." 

Cas grimaced. He had to swallow before he could voice the next part. "As I said, I was trained to kill you. They forced me to actually kill you, copies of you, tens and then hundreds and then thousands, warehouses full of you and I had to kill you every single time. Different weapons, different scenarios." 

Dean's grip on Cas' arm felt like vice-like, the hunter barely able to contain his anger at hearing about his friend's abuse. Cas' eyes were glassy, he had turned to stare at a point somewhere in the softly swaying grass. A mild breeze had picked up, flowing over the clearing and both men like a whisper, bringing the distinct smell of pine needles and dirt.

"They even talked, sometimes." A small tear dropped onto Cas' cheek. Annoyed, he wiped it away. Dean turned toward his friend more fully, grasping his face in both of his hands and searching for his gaze.

"Hey, look at me. Cas." The angel flicked his eyes to Dean's face, a second and then third tear making their way down his cheeks. The hunter wiped them away with his thumbs, a pained look on his face as he tries to grasp the amount of pain that Cas must have gone through and is apparently still trying to deal with. 

"Cas, you- can you even understand how fucking glad I am that you're still with us? With me? You made it through all of that and I can't understand how, but I'm thankful to Chuck or whoever that you DID make it. None of what you did when they did all of that to you is your fault. None of it was in your control and I'm so sorry that this happened." 

Cas closed his eyes and more and more tears fell down his face, running over his chin and neck and seeping into the collar of his shirt. 

"C'mere," the hunter said and using one hand on the back of the angel's head he softly pushed Cas towards him. The other man reluctantly followed the motion, leaning into Dean until his face was burrowed in between his neck and jacket. "It's okay, Cas, it's okay. You're fine. You're safe. I got you," Dean mumbled while stroking softly over Cas' hair, a soft sniffle escaping every now and then. 

After a choked backed sob, Dean brought his other arm to the small of Cas' back, pulling him in even further, trying desperately to calm him down and give him the same sense of protection and safety that the angel had given him and continued to give him whenever they were together. Immediately, Castiel's arms went around Dean's back, grasping tightly into the fabric of the hunter's jacket.

Both men sat like this, tightly embracing the other, suffering and mumbling soft words of comfort, for minutes, maybe hours. Neither had any concept of time, the most important thing being the presence of the other, grounding each other in that moment of vulnerability. 

After what felt like ages, the tears ebbed away, and Cas sniffled one last time before leaning his head back a little and looking into Dean's face. The hunter looked down at him, his hand stilling at the other man's nape, smiling.

The angel wiped away the streaks of half dried tears, then timidly asked, "Can we maybe go inside?" 

Dean nodded and Cas released the grip on his jacket, leaned back and got up. Dean stood up as well, batting away the dirt from his jeans. He turned to walk towards the bunker, then stilled. 

"Uh.. I didn't really pay attention to where I was going, so you might have to lead the way." He chuckled softly, throwing Cas a tentative glance. He found him looking at him with a tired smile.

"Of course, Dean."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I'm so sorry I didn't upload this earlier, I was really sick and just stayed in bed the whole time. I hope you like this chapter and thank you for reading x

After both men went inside, Sam met them on his way to the kitchen. Looking at Dean, Sam awkwardly looked everywhere but at his brother's face and after a few seconds, he spoke up. "Hey Dean," Sam sad softly, "Cas found you. Good. Uhm, do you guys want to have dinner? I wanted to make a cauliflower and tomato casserole with some fried zucchinis."

Dean looked at his brother for a split second before stepping forward and enveloping him into a bonecrushing hug. Sam's arms immediately went around his brother's shoulders and he held on tightly. Their hug lasted for a few seconds with Cas smiling at them, proud of Dean for overcoming his anger and deciding to let it slide in favor of ending their argument.

With a slap on the back, Dean let go of his brother, gave him a lopsided smile and wordlessly went past him into the kitchen.

Sam laughed and looked at Cas. "Guess there is my answer," he said and slung his arm around Cas' shoulders. "Let's make some food!"

Both of them went into the kitchen where Dean was already busy tearing apart the fridge. When he heard them come in, he turned around and looked at Cas.

"Did you ever have bacon, pasta and cheese casserole, Cas?"

Cas raised his eyebrows. "I don't think so? Did you ever make it before?" Dean laughed and shook his head.

"Nope, but we used to eat it all the time when we were kids. It's ridiculously easy to make and fills you up quickly." Dean opened the cutlery drawer and picked up a knife, then gave it to Cas. "Help me cut the bacon in small cubes and then put it in a pan with some butter."

Cas accepted the knife and started looking for a cutting board and bacon, while Sam inspected the other ingredients Dean had put out. Corn, different spices and alfredo sauce sat on the counter.

"Dean, you're going to ACTUALLY kill us with this," Sam said after inspecting the calories on the "Ready-to-go"- alfredo package, but Dean just chuckled.

"I don't give a flying fuck Sammy. Will you measure the pasta so we can get on with this?" Dean fidgeted around with the package of spaghetti before giving up and throwing it into Sam's direction, who caught the half open paper carton easily. While he went to work measuring everything on the kitchen table, Dean and Cas continued cutting up everything that had to be cut up in any way.

They worked efficiently next to each other, arms brushing now and then and giving each other soft smiles. Cas stole small pieces of paprika off of Dean's cutting board, who pretended not to notice. When everything was done, they dumped all the ingredients in the casserole dish and jammed it in the oven. Dean punched in the time and degrees, then leaned back against the counter. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at the others with a content smile.

Sam was almost done rinsing off the cutting board and knifes, while Cas threw away the empty packages and then went to find plates and cutlery for the three of them. As he set down the third plate, Sam dried his hands on a dishtowel and threw it over his shoulder.

"Hey Cas, you wanna see how I make the best sugar-free raspberry lemonade you have ever tasted?" Sam grinned at his friend and went over to the fridge, taking out lemons, raspberries and icecubes.

"I'd love to." Cas grinned right back at him and started rifling through the drawers for a mixer.

Yep, Dean could live like this.

***

When dinner was done, Cas went to his room to read a little, even though Dean suggested he could do that with them in the library. The angel declined, mumbling something about 'important research' and 'concentration'. Dean shrugged, grabbed his third glass of Sam's ( and now Cas', who suggested adding some mint) lemonade and went to join Sam in the war room.

His brother was sitting at the table, measuring something and scribbling down notes. Dean sat down on the chair across from him and took a sip of his drink. After fiddling around with his glass for a few minutes, he sighed and put it on the table.

"So, uh, about, you know, today. I uhm." Dean scratched his neck and had no idea how to actually do what Cas had suggested. Sam had put his pen down and leaned back in his chair, giving his brother his full attention.

"I talked to Cas about this a little," Dean tried again. "He said that I needed to try and make you understand what this is like from my point of view and that it's not your fault that I took your decision so badly. To be honest, I don't know how else to explain this than with what I said earlier, so I don't really see this as useful at all, I guess."

Sam's face fell. "Dean-"

"No, let me finish." Dean swallowed and just tried to get it out.

"Seeing you hurt is my worst fucking nightmare, okay? I would have left you alone if I had died back then with Amara and our whole fantastic soul bomb plan, and you would have been alone and I can't stand thinking about that. I can't. They took you and hurt you over and over again because I wasn't quick enough to find you. You were hurt because I was too slow, too wrapped up in the fact that Mom is back, just.. fuck, man. It was too much but YOU were the one who had to pay for it and I hate myself every day for that. For every single time that you got hurt because I didn't do my job right."

Sam opened his mouth to interrupt him, but Dean held up a hand. "Please, just let me.. this is hard Sam, okay? I can't concentrate around these dickbags because I keep thinking about what they did, and when I can't concentrate I can't do my job right. I'm scared of what will happen but I don't have it in me to just let it go or whatever. That's not me. That's never been me."

"I know," Sam said. "I know that's not you and I know you want to protect me, but Dean.. I'm not a child anymore. I can protect myself, I just need to be more aware around them. You don't have to let it go and I do not expect that from you at all, but please give this a chance. We can do so much good for the people here and maybe catch a break more often. We would have more time to hang around here and do what we did today." Sam gave his brother an encouraging smile.

"What, fight and run away?"

Sam scoffed. "No you jerk, have dinner together and read together."

Dean laughed and gave him a playful "Bitch" in response. He took his glass again and finished his lemonade in a few long gulps.

"With Cas, too. You know. Dinner. Hanging around. Maybe you'll finally get the courage to do something over the heart eyes he gives you and you throw back every single time." Sam smirked as Dean started choking on his lemonade.

After a few tearjerking coughs, Dean jammed his glass on the table and looked at his brother.

"What?" He croaked, punching himself on the chest a few times. Sam just kept giving him that horrible smirk.

"Oh, nothing. Guess I just imagined that then." Sam picked up his pen again and continued writing.

"Asshole," Dean mumbled, stood up and picked up his glass. He walked past Sam (not without nudging his arm so the hand with the pen flew to the side and left a huge smear of ink on his paper), but then stopped after a few steps.

Without turning around, he said, "Hey Sammy?"

Sam stopped writing. "Yes Dean?"

"Would.. would that be okay with you?" Dean fumbled with the glass in his hands.

Sam raised an eyebrow behind his brother's back. "What, you and Cas?"

Dean just gave a grunt in response, Sam laughed.

"No one had it coming more than you two, believe me. I'm looking forward to the wedding invitation."

"Dick." Dean said and left the room, not without smiling softly at his brother's reply. He went into the kitchen to rinse his glass and put it upside down on the plate rack, then walked to his room to charge his phone. After he plugged it in, he flopped down on his bed, pulled out his laptop and opened Netflix. Going through his suggestions, he found a show he didn't know yet, but remembered Charlie telling him about. He set his laptop aside again, got up and walked to Cas' room.

He knocked twice. "Hey bud, you wanna watch sense8? Charlie told me it's great and I feel like watching something right now. I can make us some popcorn if you want?" After a few seconds of silence, Dean frowned and knocked again.

"Cas?" Nothing. Dean frowned and opened the door.

The room was empty.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags will be added to the fic soon, please check them before you read. 
> 
> I hope you like this!! x

_Darkness, then_

_red hot searing pain crushing down all around him, nothing but agony and tearing apart and being put together just to be torn up again and again and again_

***

"SAMMY!"

Sam dropped his pen on the table, jumped off the chair and sprinted to his brother. Sliterhing around the corner, he saw Dean standing in front of Cas' room, the door open and his brother staring into the room.

"What? What is it?" Sam ran over to him and peered into the bedroom. He saw it empty but not chaotic, it didn't seem like there was anything wrong. Sam lied a hand on his brothers shoulder and spun him around, searching his eyes.

"What's wrong Dean? Where is Cas?"

At the mention of the angel's name, Dean seemed to be broken out of his state of panic, looking at Sam.

"I don't know," he said, swallowing thickly, "he said he wanted to read and I went to my room and wanted to watch something with him and went to ask him but he didn't reply and I knocked and he didn't say anything so I opened the door and-"

Dean was breathing quicker with every word, Sam wordlessly enveloped him into a hug.

"Are you sure he is nowhere else? Did you maybe miss a note somewhere?" Sam let go of Dean and stepped into the room, looking at everything in more detail. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. There was a small green book open on the couch, the lamp on the table beside it was on and dipped the room into a soft glow.

"He left his phone," Dean said and pointed to the small bookshelf next to the couch, nestled into the corner of the room and filled to the brim with books of different sizes and colors, neatly organized but still almost too much for the little shelf. On top of it sat Cas' phone, next to his keys for the bunker and his car, the most recent addition to it being a small keychain that Cas had picked up on his way home. It showed a watercolor drawing of a beautiful flower and tiny bees flying around it. Dean picked up the keyring and turned it over in his hands, looking at the small picture.

Sam went and picked up the phone, turned it on to check for anything new. No messages, no missed calls or emails. Frowning, he switched it from silent mode to vibration in case Cas would receive a message that could help them..

"Why did he not take his phone," Dean mumbled, still fidgeting with Cas' keys. "Why would he leave? He said he wouldn't do that anymore. Not after he almost-" Dean cut himself off and jammed the keys into his back pocket.

"Dean, I don't think he left voluntarily. Why would he not say anything? Why _did_ he leave his phone and keys here? I doubt he walked somewhere. Something must be up but right now I have no idea what that could be." Sam studied his brother's face, seeing the defeat and slowly the anger working inside Dean's head, tossing and turning to find an explanation as to _why_ his friend had left, or had been forced to leave.

Sam rubbed a hand over his face and took out his own phone. "I'm gonna call Crowley, maybe he knows something," Sam declared and stepped outside the room into the hallway, dialing immediately.

Dean turned around and left the room, walking towards the library. He looked for anything out of the ordinary but found nothing, then went into the war room. He turned on a few of the signals the bunker had, showing things like recent angelic activities or weather anomalies that could be a sign for anything supernatural.

While he was figuring out which buttons to use and which not (he once wiped all the new configuration Sam had made and setting that up again was a mess), Sam came towards him from one of the side entries, his phone in hand.

"I reached Crowley but he said he didn't talk to Cas and doesn't know anything. I don't think he's lying either, which-"

"Leaves us with nothing," Dean said after turning on the last signal that would maybe help them figure out what happened. Nothing popped up on the map.

"Yeah," Sam mumbled and sat down heavily. "I just..what happened? Did he mention anything about angel stuff that we missed?"

Dean froze at that. He had shared nothing with Sam about his and Cas' conversation outside, but right now he was too tired for secrets and just hoped Cas wouldn't be mad at him for talking about it.

"When Cas came looking for me, he.. he said that back when Naomi was there, and brainwashed him, you remember that?" Sam nodded and Dean continued, "she made him kill me. Well, not me obviously but copies of me, and Cas said they were as realistic as it could get."

Dean sat down next to Sam and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He rubbed at his eyes with one hand while Sam processed what he just told him.

"Wow, that's..wow. I had no idea," Sam said.

"Yeah, me neither man. What if.." Dean leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. After a few seconds of silence, he continued, "What if it's them? The angels? What if they want something? Maybe they think he knows more about Lucifer or Kelly than they do and they want the info?"

Sam contemplated that for a moment, trying to recall if Cas had mentioned something about talking to other angels recently. He couldn't come up with anything.

"Might be the reason why he left without saying anything. They just zapped him up?" Dean looked at his brother and tried to see what Sam thought of that.

Sam looked up and met his brother's gaze, then shook his head slightly. "Can they even do that? The zapping I mean."

"No idea but I think so? If heaven has urgent business I'm pretty sure there are ways." Dean leaned back in his chair again, staring at the table.

"Well.. how are we supposed to find out anything?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head and went to the kitchen to grab two beers, then returned to Sam and offered him a bottle. They both sat there and waited for a few hours, texting different people for information and checking the bunker's signal system.

In the same moment Sam wanted to suggest sleeping a little, his phone buzzed with a text message and a tiny blue light popped up on the table's map. Dean jumped up immediately to look at the exact location and Sam took out his phone and checked the new message.

"It's from Crowley," Sam said, "he said to check the news." He opened a news website on his phone's browser and the top article was a few seconds old. The headline read 'Explosion heard in Knoxville this evening'. Sam tapped on the article and opened it, skimming over it quickly.

"'Authorities are unsure of the source yet', 'no fire or actual explosion has been spotted anywhere in the town so far', 'citizens are asked to stay at home until more information is provided'. An explosion without witnesses, fire or anything else visible?" Sam looked up at his brother who had studied the map on the war room's table and was now reading something on his phone.

"The table map had the signal pointed to outside of town, maps says there isn't really anything apart from maybe a few old warehouses. Sounds more like a lead than pretty much anything else I think." Dean screenshotted the map, put his phone in his pocket and got up.

"I'm gonna go get my keys, we're leaving in 5."

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags added for this chapter, please check thoroughly before reading! Let me know if I missed anything!
> 
> A more detailed description of this chapter's warning can be found in the chapter notes at the end.

Dean floored it the second they got onto the highway. If what they saw on the news was really about Cas, they needed to get there as soon as possible. Who knows what condition he was in, if he needed help or if he had someone with him.

Sam didn't comment on Dean's blatant disregard of traffic rules as they flew along the highway, the late evening giving them very few other cars to worry about.

*

Cas felt like his head had been torn apart and glued together again, the parts of his body he didn't feel pain in were tingling or numb and he had no idea where he was. He felt so dizzy that it took him a moment to remember that he could open his eyes for more orientation, and so he did.

Slowly, he tried to blink the pain and dizziness away, finding that his left eye stayed resolutely shut. After a few moments he understood which position his body was in as he regained some of the feeling in the number parts.

He was sitting on the ground, his wrists bound behind his back and his coat lying next to him on the filthy ground of an old cabin. It was completely dark and icy wind was blowing in from between the uneven planks of the old walls. He shivered and tried to wiggle his fingers, without success.

After a few minutes his right eye had adjusted to the darkness of the room he was in and allowed him to try and assess the condition he was in. He saw his shirt half unbuttoned and torn on some places, blood oozing out of deep gashes on his chest and belly. He had no shoes on and his pants were dirty and had blood on them. He tried to free at least one hand from the restraints, but his arms were bound at an angle that rendered him completely immobile and in a lot of pain.

Cas looked around the cabin, seeing nothing but a few broken pieces of furniture lying around. Squinting, he could make out the small wooden door of the cabin at the end of the room. It was closed and the few windows were so dirty that barely any moonlight came in.

He tried to loosen the binding around his hands again and moved too quickly, sending pain flaring up his arm. Out of reflex he tried to bring the arm forward and lost his balance, falling to the side and hitting his head on the wooden planks of the cabin's floor. Nauseating pain exploded through his skull, letting the dizziness return and sending him spiraling into a black hole.

*

Dean parked the impala next to a small warehouse. The parking lot was uneven and seemingly unused, behind it was a second and third warehouse, both a little bigger than the nearest one but all looking battered and abandoned.

"I'm gonna check this one," Sam said and pointed to the smallest building, "maybe you should take the bigger one behind it and check the small cabin too."

"Cabin?" Dean went a few steps to the left and spotted the house Sam was talking about. It had been hidden behind the smaller warehouse and sat a few hundred feed next to the taller building.

Dean threw Sam a flashlight, even though they wouldn't need it for outside, the moon was still giving off a light bright enough that they had no issues seeing.

Sam took off towards the first building and Dean headed for the second. The door to warehouse number two was rusty but Dean managed to pry it open quite easily. He almost got a heart attack when a small cat ran out of the building and past him to disappear into the night. Dean took his flashlight and wedged it between the door and its frame, dipping parts of the inside of the building into a bright yellow light. He looked inside through the small crack but only saw the ground scattered with leaves, dirt and some questionable puddles.

Dean took his flashlight in hand again and opened the door completely and stepped inside. He was right, the warehouse was empty. One corner held a few disgusting looking pillows and a few cigarette butts littered the ground, the windows behind it were broken and let a lot of moonlight in.

"Teenagers," he mumbled as he kicked an empty bottle of beer to the side. Trying to fight down the disappointment, he left the building and kicked the door shut behind him. He turned and saw Sam walking over to the third and biggest warehouse, he apparently didn't have any luck so far either.

Dean sighed and made his way over to the small cabin. There were a few locks on the door and he fumbled with them. The padlocks were rusty and he needed some other tools to get them open, so he went to his car and popped the trunk, rifling through it and found a bolt cutter. He slammed the trunk shut again and walked back to the cabin. After a few seconds of fumbling, he got the position right and the padlocks snapped in half, falling off the door. He kicked them to the side, lied down his bolt cutter and took his flashlight out of his jacket again. Carefully, he opened the door and shone inside, taking a step in. Immediately the light glazed over a bare foot, and then a second one and before Dean knew it he was looking at Cas, beautiful, soft, caring Cas, lying on a dirty cabin floor, hands bound behind his back and unconscious.

Dean could see the blood on his clothes, the wounds torn into his skin and with a few long strides he kneeled down next to his friend.

"Cas?" Dean's voice broke, he put the flashlight on the floor and tried to heave up his friend, but stopped when he saw the extent of his injuries. He cradled Cas' head in his hands instead, softly stroking over the mess that was his face.

His left eye was swollen and there was a cut on his browbone, other bruises blooming across his jaw and forehead. There was a gash in his right cheek that dripped blood onto the floor.

"Dean?"

"In here," Dean yelled back and Sam must have been closer than he thought, because only a few seconds later he heard a soft, "Oh god," followed by his brother kneeling next to him.

"We need to cut his hands lose," Sam said and fumbled in his jacket for his pocketknife, then carefully started cutting the extremely tight fabric around Cas' wrists. As soon as he was done with it and they could bend Cas' arms into a more natural position, the angel gave a pained sigh, but didn't move or say anything else. Sam massaged his friend's wrist softly, trying to get the blood to flow again.

After a few minutes, Sam pocketed his knife and Dean's flashlight and tried to help him with lifting Cas, but Dean ignored him and picked his friend up bridal style. Sam just nodded and went outside, picked up the bolt cutter and jogged to the car to get it ready when Dean reached it. Sam threw open the back doors after jamming all the tools into the trunk and shutting it.

"Let me at least help you now," Sam insisted and Dean didn't object. Together they maneuvered Cas onto the backseat and Dean immediately slid in besides him. He threw the keys onto the passenger seat and then turned more fully towards Cas, carefully lifting his head and placing it in his lap.

"Can you give me some wet wipes or anything?" Dean said to Sam as he stroked a few strands of Cas' hair away that had gotten sticky with blood.

"Yeah, hold on." Sam looked through the glovebox and found a half dried in package of wet wipes. He gave them to Dean and then started the car.

Dean very carefully tried to wipe away some of the blood on Cas' face, along with dried sweat and, undoubtedly, dried tearstreaks. Dean was barely able to do his job right and not hurt his friend even more, but he felt unbelievably angry. They found Cas and he was alive, but he was unconscious and hurt and they still had no idea why he vanished.

After about 1 1/2 hours of Sam driving and Dean absentmindedly massaging Cas' wrists to get rid of the harsh lines where the fabric had cut into them, Sam spoke up.

"Maybe we should get a motel for now. It's past 2 am, I'm tired and you're not good for driving. Besides, we need to take care of Cas' injuries. Is he still not healing?"

"No," Dean replied.

"Okay, then let's stop for the rest of the night. You can't stitch him up in the back of the car."

"Okay," Dean said quietly and cradled Cas a little closer to him.

Sam looked at him through the rearview mirror, then took the next exit. After a few minutes he found a motel and drove onto the parking lot, got out and rented them a room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas is tied up in a small cabin, there are graphic descriptions of injuries that were inflicted on him. Skip the part between the " * " if you do not want to read it, the part afterwards only describes face injuries in a more detailed manner. Also, lots of blood.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 4 am, this is not proof read and my hand hurts. All mistakes will be fixed tomorrow, sorry guys :P
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Together they managed to get Cas into the rented room and carefully lied him down onto the bed. The motel was cheap and everyone could tell from the poorly disguised cracks in the ceiling, the stains all over the carpet which was the exact color of vomit and the horribly mismatched paisley sheets. Cheap motels however had the very handy characteristic of not asking questions, even when you're heaving an unconscious and bloody guy in the middle of the night into a room.

Their room had a king size bed and a ratty looking couch, a small table with pamphlets about 'the 50 most exciting things to do in Knoxville' and a TV that looked older than the Impala.

After Cas was safely on the bed, Sam went and picked up their first aid kit from the car while Dean raided the bathroom for towels and the mini bar for vodka to disinfect Cas' wounds.

The brothers stacked the necessary supplies next to Cas on the bed and got to work. Dean carefully unbuttoned the angel's shirt and removed it, revealing the extent of the injuries on his torso, while Sam removed his slacks to check for other injuries and found several dark bruises. Both of them got to work on Cas' chest and stomach, carefully cleaning the wounds and then stitching him up. After all of that was done, Dean wordlessly picked up the bloodied paper towels and the packaging of several gauze bandages to throw them away in the bathroom while Sam took a damp towel and cleaned Cas' from the dried blood and sweat as best as he could.

When Dean returned, Sam had already dressed Cas in a pair of spare sweatpants from the car and his own flannel that he wrapped loosely around Cas' shoulders, trying to provide him with at least some coverage. Dean sat down on the couch that gave off an indignant squeak at the hunter's weight and finished one of the tiny vodka carafes that they took from the mini bar. Sam sat down on the bed next to Cas, checking his phone and sending an update text to Crowley, who, contrary to popular belief, actually asked several times if they had found Cas and if he was alright.

"So," Sam said after finishing his texts. "I guess now we just have to wait for him to wake up."

Dean nodded and threw the small glass bottle away. He got up and went to the bathroom, washing his face with freezing water to fight off the numbness from their frantic searching and the stress. He dried his hands on one of the small towels which was rough from overuse, then he spotted a small stain of blood on it. Instead of dropping it into the corner for the maid to pick up the next day, he just stared at the few red dots, _Cas'_ blood, his friend's blood. His friend that was hurt and needed his help. Grimacing, he threw the towel into a corner with much more force than necessary and stepped back into the main room.

Sam got up from the bed and put his phone in his jeans' pocket. "I'm gonna go shower real quick, I planned to do that after dinner but.."

Dean just nodded at that and continued to stand in the middle of the room, unsure what to do.

Sam cleared his throat. "Hey, can you watch him for the night? I'm guessing you want to sit with him in the back seat again when we drive back, and if I have to drive tomorrow I need at least some sleep. I'm beat."

"Yeah," Dean said hoarsely, then toed off his shoes and sat down next to Cas. He was still unconscious but looked better without all the blood on his face. His hair was still matted down by some of it, sticking together weirdly and making even more of a mess than usual. Dean smiled and softly pushed a few strands away that kept falling into the angel's eyes. Not that it mattered while he was so out of it anyways.

Suddenly, Cas groaned and opened his eyes slightly. Dean immediately shifted a little lower and towards his friend.

"Hey buddy," he said softly, carefully bringing a hand to Cas' face but stopping before he could touch him.

Cas looked at him through hooded eyes, his gaze dull and unfocused. He reached out and touched Dean's shoulder.

"Dean?"

Dean almost physically flinched at the sound of his friend's voice, hoarse and painful as if the sounds had to climb through sandpaper before they could be spat out.

"Yes Cas, I'm here," Dean lied his hand on top of Cas', softly stroking over it with his thumb. "I'm here and you're safe."

"Mmh," Cas murmured and grasped Dean's hand, linking their fingers together. "M-must be.. dreaming," he mumbled.

"No Cas, I'm really here. Sam and I, we got you out and you're safe now, I promise you. I got you." Dean tried to get through to Cas, but he seemed too out of it to really understand what he was saying. Cas just smiled softly, then dropped his hand and his eyes fell close again.

Dean stared at him for a few moments, then Sam burst into the room, dripping wet with a towel haphazardly swung around his hips.

"Did I hear something? Was Cas awake?" Sam frantically flicked his eyes between his brother and Cas, noticing how Dean was sitting closer to him than before.

"Yeah, he was awake for a minute. Thought he was dreaming and didn't really understand me I think," Dean said, still looking at Cas'.

Sam sighed. "Good that he woke up. I'm sure he'll be actually awake soon, although I keep wondering if we should try to give him some food or water. When he was hurt before that kinda helped I think," Sam said and walked over to their stash of band aids, gauze wraps and produced a small water bottle from the bag that usually held all their supplies.

"Although..." Sam looked sceptically at the bottle in his hand, "I don't think we can MAKE him do anything, at least not while he's basically unconscious. I guess we have to wait until he's awake."

Dean hummed in agreement. "Go sleep a bit, I got him."

"I know you do," Sam replied and smiled, then he picked up his clothes again and went to the bathroom to put them on. After a minute, he came back out and lied down on the couch.

"Night Dean."

"G'night Sammy."

*

Dean was awoken by the warm gleam of sunshine on his face. He rubbed his eyes with his hand and opened them, blinking against the brightness. Sam was still dead to the world, his head and floppy hair buried into one end of the couch, his feet hanging off the other.

Dean turned his head and was surprised to see most of his vision blocked by a dark mop of hair. He carefully lifted himself up on one elbow and looked at Cas.

The angel had migrated towards him during the night, facing away from him but his back was arched towards Dean and one arm was thrown in his direction, his hand grazing the fabric of Dean's pants.

With his other hand, Dean reached out to Cas' spread fingers, softly tracing a pattern on the palm of his hand. After a few seconds, Cas' hand began to shift and was pulled back. Dean chuckled quietly, he knew Cas was ticklish there from the time the angel had cut himself during cooking and Dean took a look at it, He couldn't stop squirming the whole time Dean tried to clean the cut.

Now though, Cas slowly opened his eyes. He frowned against the brightness on his face and turned around, facing away from the window and towards Dean who sat there frozen, still propped up on one elbow, his hand reaching out to his friend.

Cas looked at him, his injured eye now opening too and in the morning sunlight Dean could see that the bruises on his face had gotten lighter.

Dean stared back, neither of them saying anything. Then, slowly, Dean lifted his hand and moved it towards Cas' left one that was laying next to the angel's head.

Before he could touch him however, Cas caught his wrist with his right hand and continued to just look at Dean. Then, after a few seconds, Cas' fingers slid into Dean's palm. Without a second thought, Dean linked their fingers together, first soft and then tightly, trying to reassure Cas that he was there for him and that Cas was safe now.

"Hey," Dean whispered. Cas smiled.

"Hello Dean."

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked, letting his gaze wander over Cas' face again.

Cas frowned. "Everything hurts. But.. it's manageable."

Dean sat up more fully so he didnt need his arm to support him anymore, then he hesitated.

"May I?" He pointed towards Cas' chest where Sam's flannel had slipped down a little, exposing a lightly bruised shoulder. Cas nodded.

Carefully Dean peeled away the shirt and smiled as he saw that most of the wounds had closed almost completely over night.

"These were a lot worse yesterday but they healed up well. Do you want some painkillers?" Deean moved to get up but, Cas other hand shot out immediately and grasped at Dean's shirt.

"No thank you," Cas said. "I don't think they will really help. I'm hungry though," Cas said and frowned. "I'd also like to shower if that's possible, my grace can't handle everything at the same time right now and currently it's busy healing me."

"Yeah, uh, sure, we can do that." Dean scratched his head. "Do you want to eat or shower first?"

"Shower please," Cas said and slowly disentagled their fingers, then he sat up, careful not to rip on the new skin on his chest or belly.

Dean got up and walked into the bathroom. He picked one of the used towels and put it on the floor in front of the shower so Cas wouldn't slip and fall down. Their whole stitching up party the day before didn't leave them with any clean towels though, so he would need to go to the front desk and ask for some. When he left the bathroom Sam was just sitting up on the couch, groaning and rubbing his back.

"Mornin' Cas," Sam said after he discovered the angel looking at him. Cas smiled in response.

"Hey Cas, I gotta go grab some new towels from the douche at the front desk, your shower has to wait a few minutes." Dean grabbed a key card and put on his shoes.

"No problem. Thanks Dean," Cas said and accepted the water bottle that Sam was just handing him.

"I'll be back in five," Dean said and left the room.

It was nice and sunny outside, comfortably warm for an early october. He walked to the front desk and rang the bell. The same pickly eighteen year old from the night before showed up from a room behind the counter and gave him a disapproving look.

"Hey, uh, can I have some towels?" Dean threw him a smile.

"You checked in 8 hours ago and you're out of towels?" The boy asked sceptically.

"Uhm.. yeah?" Dean's smile was slowly slipping off his face and he knew it.

"Ugh. Hold on," the clerk said and went into the back room again. He came back out a minute later with a set of fresh towels in his arms and handed them to Dean.

"Please keep it down, we have other guests here."

Dean did a double take at that. "Excuse me?"

"Look, I saw you check in with two other dudes and if you're already out of towels.. just, keep it down, okay? Thanks." He disappeared into the room behind the counter again, leaving Dean standing there with a stack of sickly yellowish towels and a baffled expression.

"Okay then, asshole," he mumbled and went back to their room. After fumbling around for a second he managed to unlock the door and stepped in.

Sam was sitting on the bed next to Cas, talking to him. They both looked up when Dean came in.

"Guess that's my cue. I'm gonna go get some breakfast. What do you want Cas?" Sam picked up the keys from the small table and walked to the door.

"Do you think I could have pancakes? With bacon?" Cas asked tentatively.

"Sure Cas, coming right up," Sam winked at him and opened the door, letting the fresh morning air in. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

The door closed behind him and Dean dropped the towels on the bed.

"'Kay Cas, the towels are here, there's soap and everything in the bathroom and a warm shower is waiting for you," Dean said and toed off his shoes again.

Cas swung his legs to the side of the bed, carefully placed his feet on the ground and got up. He felt wobbly on his feet and Dean saw the unsteadiness in his stand, immediately hurrying over to him to stabilize him. Cas grabbed his forearm with one hand and slowly made his way towards the bathroom. Dean helped him sit down on the edge of the bathtub.

"Do you need help?" Dean asked and Cas started to peel off his sweatpants.

"I.. think I got this," he said as the pants dropped to the floor. He stood up again, this time without help and slipped his fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers, then started to pull them down.

"Oh, hey, easy there. Let me uh, give you some privacy," Dean said and fled the room, not closing the bathroom door fully behind him in case Cas needed his help.

He heard the shower creak and Cas' content sigh, apparently the water pressure was better than the service.

He said down on the couch to check his phone for any news. After a minute or two, Dean suddenly heard a loud crash and almost dropped his phone in shock.

"Cas?" Dean went to the bathroom door and knocked. "Hey, you okay?"

A pained groan was his answer. "I think I need... help," Cas said and Dean stepped into the room.

"What happened?" Dean stood in front of the bathtub and stared at the hideous shower curtain.

"I slipped and fell and I can't get back up again," Cas said.

Dean sighed. "Okay, gimme a sec." He closed the bathroom door and then sneaked a hand around the shower curtain, slowly pulling it open.

Cas was sitting on the floor, wearing a pained expession and rubbing his back. When he saw Dean, he gave him and apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"No, don't apologize for shit like that. Do you think you can stand to finish your shower?" Dean fumbled with the curtain and as he waited for Cas' answer.

"I'm not sure," Cas said and stared at the small bar of soap and bottle of shampoo that sat on the opposite end of the tub, seemingly miles away.

"Okay, hold on, I'll help you," Dean said and peeled off his jeans, then his shirt. Even only in his boxers he still felt overly warm in the small bathroom that was filled with hot steam. Carefully he stepped into the tub, facing away from the shower head and towards Cas.

Cas reached out to him but Dean ignored it and firmly grasped him under his arms for a secure grip.

"Ready?"

Cas hummed in reply, and Dean heaved him upwards. Cas' feet came to stand somewhat safely on the slippery floor of the tub and he clung to Dean's shoulders for extra safety.

"Thank you," he said. "Uhm, can you pass me the soap?"

"I think it's better if we switch positions, I'll make sure you don't fall and you'll be in the warm water then," Dean suggested and tried not to notice how Cas was warm and horribly naked right in front of him.

Cas nodded at his proposal. They awkwardly shuffled around each other, Cas almost falling twice, but then he was back in the spray of almost too hot water and sighed contently. He carefully bend forward to grab the bar of soap and Dean couldn't help but stare at the bruises on his back, Cas' muscles tensing every few seconds, undoubtedly in pain.

Dean balled his hands to fists, again overcome by pure anger about what had happened to Cas. He was pulled out of it when Cas tried to shampoo his hair, giving a pained sound.

"Dean, can you help me please? I can't lift my arms that high," Cas' back hunched but Dean immediately touched his shoulder reassuringly.

"Of course, Cas. Gimme the bottle," he said and Cas turned towards him a little and gave him the small shampoo, their fingers brushing. Dean gave him a slightly strained smile, still upset about the pain his friend was in.

Dean slowly started shampooing Cas' hair, working slowly to not pull on it while he tried his best to disentangle the strands that were still stuck together. When he was done with the back, he tapped Cas' shoulder.

"Turn around angel," he said and Cas carefully shuffled around, facing him.

Dean poured some more shampoo into his hands and ran his fingers through the hair on top of Cas' head. He worked slowly but efficiently, washing away the blood and grime, careful not to get anything into Cas' eyes.

"Okay, now dip your head back to wash it out," Dean instructed him and Cas immediately reached out and grasped at his arm, scared to fall over. He leaned back into the water and let the shampoo rinse out.

After a minute, Dean hummed. "Okay, you're good," he said and Cas straightened again, opening his eyes. He blinked through the water that clung to his lashes and beamed at Dean.

"You good?" Dean asked and ruffled Cas' hair, which was flat on his forehead.

Cas opened his mouth to reply, but then suddenly slumped forward. Dean managed to catch him but almost tripped over himself. After a few seconds of fumbling, he got a secure hold on Cas.

"Hello?" Sam yelled when he found the motel room empty.

"Oh thank fuck," Dean mumbled. "In here!"

Sam opened the bathroom door and looked at Dean, dripping wet and in his boxers, holding a half conscious Cas.

"Can you help me get him out of the tub?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, of course." Sam carefully shoved his arms under Dean's and together they lifted Cas out of the tub, who slumped back against Sam.

Dean got out as well, picked up a towel and roughly dried himself off, then he gestured towards the closed toilet.

"Can you sit him down there? I can help him dry off then," Dean said and picked up a dry towel.

Sam nodded and carefully helped Cas sit down on the toilet lid. "Do you need anything else?"

Dean looked around the room, Cas' sweatpants were still on the floor next to the sink.

"No, I think I'll manage," he said and Sam left the room.

Dean kneeled in front of the toilet, then threw a towel over Cas' head to dry his hair. Cas raised his hands in a weak attempt to help him, but Dean shushed him.

"It's fine Cas," he said and took the towel away. Cas looked up at him through half open eyes, his dark hair sticking up wildly.

"You're still pretty out of it, huh." Dean smiled at him and then continued to dry his neck and shoulders, carefully sliding the towel over the pink skin on his chest and belly. With clinical detachment he helped Cas dry his groin area and then moved to dry his legs and rub his feet, which felt icy against Dean's own.

"There we go," Dean said as Cas was completely dry. He picked up the sweatpants and slowly slid them over Cas' legs. He then picked up his own socks and slid them over Cas' feet.

"You gotta help me for a second here and stand up buddy," he said and Cas nodded, clasping at Dean's upper arms to carefully stand up. Dean slid the pants over his butt and tied the strings.

"You wanna go eat breakfast now?"

Cas nodded again and Dean helped him out of the bathroom and onto the bed, then Sam brought him the takeaway bag with his pancakes and two small containers of maple syrup.

Dean spotted three more bags and looked at Sam. "How much food did you get dude?"

Sam shrugged. "I didn't know how hungry Cas would be," he said. "Better safe than sorry."

Dean nodded and sat down on the couch with his own breakfast, Sam following him a second later.

Together they ate their breakfast in silence, the sun streaming through the window with the promise of a better day.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to update. I had a small case of writer's block and also a crisis of "why am I even writing this, this is crap". I somewhat overcame it and just tried to write a little, it worked better than I anticipated and I think the next chapter will follow either tomorrow or sunday.  
> Sorry this is so short as well. Thanks for reading if you're (still) here <3

After Dean finished his breakfast first he got up and collected the trash from their room, then he went outside to throw it away and get some snacks for the drive back home.

Cas was still happily munchin his pancakes (Dean had donated his own maple syrup to him) while Sam got up to take a shower. He threw Cas a smile on his way to the bathroom after asking if he wanted to shower first, which the angel denied.

Cas finished his breakfast and put the empty wrappers and small containers back into the bag, then he swung his legs to the side to get up and reach for another bottle of water. Wincing, he placed his feet on the ground and got up, but a sudden pain from his leg made him stumble and fall down.

"Cas?" Sam had jumped out of the shower as soon as he heard a loud noise, a towel wrapped tightly around his hips. He went into the room and walked around the bed where he found Cas in an undignified heap on the floor.

"Cas," Sam sighed. "Let me help you."

Cas grumbled and reached for him with shaky arms, Sam lifted him up easily and helped him sit down on the bed again. The effort of getting up exhausted Cas immensely and he was shaking all over. Sam shot him a concerned look, then went to pick up his flannel from the bathroom floor. It had dried blood on it and he threw it wordlessly on the table, then he picked up his own shirt from the day before and handed it to Cas.

"You should put this on. We still have some spare clothes in the car but they'll be clammy from laying in there during the night and my shirt is still warm."

Cas accepted the shirt and slipped it over his head. He slowly maneuvered his arms through the sleeves and tugged the hem down.

"Thank you, Sam. Can you maybe give me another water bottle, please? I tried to get to the table but that didn't really work out." Cas shot Sam an apologetic smile, but the hunter just waved it off.

"No problem, Cas. And yeah, sure, here." He walked over to the table and gave Cas their last small water bottle, then he went into the bathroom to put on his boxers. After hanging the towel onto a hook on the bathroom door he went back into the main room and put on his jeans, then sat down on the couch to pull on his socks and shoes. When he was done, he leaned back and looked at Cas whose shirt had ridden up and who was fidgeting with the stitches on his belly.

"Hey.. Cas?"

Cas looked up. "Yes?"

"What happened? Why did you disappear and uh," he swallowed before continuing, "come back hurt? Who did this?"

Cas looked down at his hands as he considered the question. When he woke up in the cabin he had barely any memory of what happened, the only thing he was sure of was the fact that he was in a lot of pain. Now, after regaining his healing abilities, his body had recovered a little and he was able to think clearly, which sadly didn't stop the wave of nauseating fear that rushed through him as he recalled everything that happened from the moment he disappeared from the bunker.

"Angels," he said after a few minutes. "I didn't know any of them personally, but they forced me to come with them and interrogated me in Heaven. They thought I had information about the nephilim and that I was withholding it from them for reasons they didn't seem to know themselves."

Cas pulled the shirt back down and clasped his hands together before continuing.

"The only thing they didn't know was that Kelly had been sighted in Maine where I went to look for her with Crowley. I told them I was there and that she wasn't and that I was and am absolutely clueless where she went. As you can imagine they didn't believe me."

Sam's face held a clear expression of worry. "And so they.."

"Tried to beat it out of me, yes. They used my angel blade and kept it there. It didn't go on for long since they apparently quickly realized I was telling the truth, but it was enough."

Cas didn't mention that instead of purely physical torture they immediately bombarded his mind with visions of Sam getting hurt, of Dean dying and Cas losing the only family he had left in the entire universe that loved him and accepted him even after everything he had done. He gnawed at his bottom lip and looked back up at Sam.

"I'm so sorry, Cas." Sam wrung his hands in his lap and looked everywhere but at Cas' face.

"Sam? What's wrong?"

Sam looked at him, a pained expression on his face. "Did they use us against you again?"

Cas' blood ran cold. He frantically tried to remember if he had voiced any of his thoughts of the past minutes, when his brain suddenly stopped on what exactly Sam had asked.

"'Again'?" Cas asked weakly.

Sam cleared his throat. "Yeah, Dean told me about Naomi. Not a lot but he said that they used us against you and Cas.. why did you never say anything? We could have helped you get through that, but you never mentioned it. Why?"

Cas' vision went slightly blurry. He felt pressured, clawed at his sweatpants trying to not get lost in the emotions and memories that welled up with Sam's questions.

"Hey," Sam called softly as he saw Cas' expression. He quickly got up and sat on the edge of the matress next to Cas, careful to put enough distance between them. When Cas' looked at him and Sam saw the tears in his eyes, he grabbed his hands and held them tightly in his own.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up, Cas, I really am. We were just so worried about you and never knowing if there is something you're hiding, something that pains you? That's not a great feeling. We're family and you can talk to us, you know that, right?"

Cas nodded. Sam smiled and released his hands, then pulled him forward into a hug. Cas went willingly, his arms going around his friend's waist and Sam held him tightly. The hug only lasted for a few seconds, but Cas felt much more relaxed when Sam let him go and he wiped away a stray tear that had escaped.

"Thank you, Sam," he mumbled and gave Sam a small smile. The hunter beamed at him and got up, crossing the room to turn on the small TV.

Together they watched a documentary about white sharks, while Cas occasionally made remarks about the evolutional history of different kinds of fish, and waited for Dean to come back.

  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took longer than I planned (again). I lost my motivation a little because I was unsure how to proceed with the story (mainly how to get from point A to point B), but I've figured it out now and this will update quicker. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and I'll be ridiculously happy about any and all comments you might have. x

Dean got out of the car, locked it and walked to their room. He had to go back two times because he had forgotten to buy one of the things on his list since he was incredibly distracted. He kept thinking about what had happened to Cas, he didn't know if he could've done something to prevent it and worst of all, he had no idea how to help his best friend. Cas had always been incredibly private about his struggles and it often came to a shock to Dean how much he really had to be suffering. He himself was no stranger to John Winchester's 'lock it up'-mentality, yet he hoped every time that Cas or his brother would not follow him in that, that they would talk about their issues so Dean could help them.

Which, after all, was kinda his thing. Helping, nurturing, supporting, saving. He failed at the majority of those when it came to Cas and it haunted him more often than not. Especially now that Cas had told him more details about Naomi, Dean had to physically restrain himself from just grabbing his friend and trying to just _make_ him talk. He knew first hand that someone won't talk if you pressure them, after all.

When he had been packing up the groceries in the parking lot, Dean had made a decision. From now on he would make a conscious effort to show Cas that he was part of their family. Sure, they've talked about it, Dean called him family, yet there were too little situations where Cas had really been included, because of different reasons.

Dean was convinced that if Cas would've had the feeling of really belonging to them, to their family and to the bunker, he wouldn't have ditched them over and over again to hunt after the next hint and the next mission.

Dean slid the keykard in and the door unlocked. He pushed it open and stepped inside, offering a cheery "Hey, I'm back!"

He looked up to find Sam and Cas sitting next to each other on the bed, Sam's hand raised mid- gesture, both looking at him surprised. If Dean had to name the expression on their faces he'd pick _guilty_. What were they discussing?

"Uh," he said. Sam cleared his throat and let his hand fall into his lap.

"Hey Dean. We were just discussing Kelly..related things."

"Yes," Cas chimed in. "Kelly. And. Nephilim business." Cas averted his eyes and studied his hands, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. Dean just raised an eyebrow and laughed.

"Okay guys, you know I don't care if you talk about weird shit, just tell me you finished your earlier discussion about.. what was it?" Dean scratched his chin while trying to remember what they had talked about before he left.

"I believe we discussed the likeliness of undiscovered nephilim inhabiting less populated places on the earth and if their combined power could help us in defeating the nephilim, should the situation arise." Cas smiled at him.

"Yeah, right. Did we come to any conclusion on that?" Dean plopped down onto the couch, stretched his back and yawned.

"I said I'd look into it, see if i can dig up anything that might be a hint about nephilims. Cas said that maybe South America might be a good start." Sam got up and without him looking, a small piece of paper fell off of his lap and dropped on the floor between the couch and the end of the bed.

"Hey, what's that?" Dean pointed to the paper and leaned forward to grab it. Sam turned around and practically threw himself over Dean and grabbed the paper, then flicked it away towards the bed. Cas got up and picked it up, folding it and burying it in the pocket of his sweatpants.

Meanwhile, Sam unceremoniously rolled off of Dean and flopped himself on the floor.

"Dude.." Dean rubbed his wrist that now hurt a little, an adequate reaction to his moose of a brother practially laying on it. " What wash that for?"

"Nothing," Sam grinned at him. "No worries. Should we uh, head out?"

"I think that's a good idea," Cas said. He had to sit down on the bed again since his body was still exhausted and he couldn't stand for too long.

Dean eyed them both warily, then got up from the sofa and ignored Sam's outstretched hand, who then frowned and got up from the floor himself.

Cas watches as Dean came over to him and extended his hand to him. "You need help?"

"Yes please," Cas replied and Dean grabbed him carefully until Cas was standing beside him, then he put Cas' arm over his own shoulder and sneaked an arm around his waist to keep him steady.

"Let's go." Cas just hummed in reply, carefully stepping around the bed, led by Dean. Sam had already opened the door for them and was outside stuffing their bag into the Impala. When he saw them approach he quickly opened the car's back door, then slammed the trunk shut and walked over to stand next to the open door.

"Quit hovering Sammy, I got this," Dean gave him a strained smile while trying to maneuver Cas into the backseat. He had to be careful not to hit his head since Cas apparently decided that taking a spontaneous nap in the middle of walking would be a great idea. When every limb was safely tucked inside and Cas was sitting in a way that wouldn't give him any weird cricks in his neck when he woke up, Dean shut the door and then got into the driver's seat.

Sam was already sitting shotgun, a book perched on his lap and his phone in hand. He checked the rearview mirror to look at Cas sleeping soundly in the backseat.

"He's really out of it, huh." Dean just gave his brother a side glance without replying before starting the car and getting out of the motel parking lot.

Sam opened his book. "Let's get him home."

*

Dean had muscles. Years of hunting shaped his body, he wasn't someone you would find on a fitness magazine; but his upper body was well formed by hard muscle, made for carrying things and not to look good.

However, carrying a full grown man the entire way from the garage to his own bedroom was not something that he could accomplish easily. He was grunting and sweating when he reached his room and kicked the door open with more force than necessary, then ever so softly lied Cas down on one side of his bed. Sam had eyed him from the side when he pronounced that Cas would need to be in his room since his own couch was too small for him to lie down on comfortably. Dean had just given him the stinkeye, his reasoning perfectly understandable.

Now though, he had a six foot angel on his bed and had to fit in there himself somehow. He decided however that that was an issue that could wait since it was only early evening and Cas could wake up before it was time to sleep. Dean pulled out his blanket from under Cas and wrapped it losely around him, then put another pair of sweatpants and a soft, older shirt of his on the chair in the corner of his room should Cas wakeup and want a change of clothing. He then turned on the bedside lamp and left the door cracked open so the hallway light would lighten up the room even more. Dean knew Cas didn't like sleeping in the dark.

He made his way to the library where Sam was sitting at one of the tables with his laptop, typing away furiously. Dean plopped down on the chair opposite of him, stretched his arms above his head and groaned as he felt his muscles protesting.

"You know I could've helped you carrying him," Sam said as he looked up from the laptop's screen. Dean just winked at him.

"Told you I got this and I was right. No worries," Dean said and yawned.

Sam chuckled and slid his computer over the table towards Dean. "You should check some news sites for anything about Kelly. Also.. I think you need more sleep?"

Sam's point was clearly proven when Dean yawned again and scratched his head. The latter just grabbed the laptop and started looking through a few news sites while Sam got up and retrieved a book from one of the shelves behind him.

"I'm gonna look in the books we have here about lore specified to South America and see if I can find anything that points to nephilims," Sam said as he sat back down.

Dean hummed in response. "Good idea."

After a few hours of research without any actual results, they heard a shuffling from the hallway. Dean looked up to find Sam already looking past him, grinning. He turned around and saw Cas coming around the corner with a steaming mug in his hands.

"Hey Cas, how was your nap?" Sam laughed at the angel's disheveled look. Cas just glared at him and sat down in the chair next to Dean. He wrapped both of his hands around the mug and leaned back.

"Awful, thank you for asking. It took me four times as long to get here since I had to take multiple breaks between Dean's room and this room."

Dean felt his face warming at Cas' words and gave him a lopsided smile.

"You could've just yelled, Cas. Could've helped you." Dean studied his friend's face while Cas was taking a careful sip of his drink. "What are you drinking?" Dean leaned over and sniffed at the cup, then raised his eyebrows.

"Did you find one of Sam's ridiculously overpriced herbal teas?"

Cas frowned at his cup. "It smelled very nice and I was cold," he said. Dean immediately felt bad for the joke since Cas was still apparently not feeling too well. He just shrugged and fingered the initials that Sam and Dean had carved into the table a while ago.

After a few minutes of listening to Cas slurping his tea, Dean pulled out his pocketknife and flipped it open.

"Dean?" Sam looked at him alarmed. "What are you doing?"

Dean didn't reply but leaned over the table a little and started carving something next to the already there letters. While he tried to get it as neat as possible he realized that Cas' slurping noises had stopped and guessed that both he and Sam were watching him. A minute and one small cut later he leaned back and blew on the table to get rid of the small wood chippings.

Cas leaned forward and almost dropped his mug.

The table now read:

S.W.

D.W.

C.W.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally understand how other authors often are just unable to follow their schedule. it's either life, inspiration or something else that's going on :P anyways, i hope you enjoy this chapter, it was a lot of work and i'll see you soon <3

Cas' eyes widened and his head whipped around to stare at Dean, who stared back with a soft expression on his face.

"Can't believe I forgot that," Dean joked. "Just forgetting to put a family member's name there? Silly us, right Sam?"

Sam huffed out a laugh and his eyes darted from Dean's face to Cas'. "Right," he said.

Cas still hadn't said anything, and Dean was starting to get nervous. Did he overstep? Did Cas  _ not  _ want to stay after all? Dean had been so sure that he'd liked his room and that he liked spending time with them in the bunker, but maybe he misread it, maybe he just falsely assumed-

"Dean." Cas saying his name ever so softly successfully interrupted Dean's panicked thoughts and he looked at his friend.

"Yeah?" Dean tried his hardest to look calm, not like the next thing out of Cas' mouth could be the angry question of what the fuck he was thinking.

Cas surprised him, as always.

"Thank you," Cas said, studying the table while he was talking. "I.. uhm, I didn't..," Cas stopped mumbling for a second to glance up at Dean, who was watching him with raised eyebrows but with an open expression..

Sam cleared his throat and stood up quietly, leaving them to their conversation. Dean didn't give Sam's leave much more attention than a quick glance in his brother's direction, deeming him fine and then redirecting his gaze at Cas, who hadn't picked up his attempt to say something again.

"The barn," Cas said and Dean immediately stiffened. "What happened-"

"It wasn't your fault, Cas, if that's what you wanted to say right now. You couldn't have known what we would run into." Dean tried his best to keep his voice at level. Anger mixed with fear curled nauseatingly in his stomach as he thought about all the times Cas had blamed himself for something that had been completely and utterly out of his control.

"That was not what I was going to say, Dean," Cas replied and stared at the floor. "Apart from the fact, that yes, it _was_ my fault since I should have been able to sense what Ramiel was and that there were demons around, I wanted to say something different."

Dean just stared at him, confusion replacing his anger. After over analyzing and re-thinking all the events from that night for countless times, he had just stuffed it all in his well loved 'let's not think about this' -drawer, which was so full that his tactic of avoiding topics and certain feelings didn't fully work at all times. Sometimes small things would just spill out and find their way back into his conscious mind, attacking him viciously and planting doubts and fears, preferably in moments when he  _ really _ didn't need it. He swallowed with an audible click, waiting for Cas to continue.

"I wanted-" Cas interrupted himself, glanced at Dean and sighed. "I saw Sam's notes about your plans for Lucifer which will undoubtedly end in some sort of self- sacrifice of you and I cannot just stand here, watch and be quiet about it."

Dean was taken by surprise by the sudden topic change, anger immediately flaring up at what Cas was saying.

"I don't know yet how we'll handle the whole devil thing Cas, but I'll do whatever it takes to stop this, stop him and save as many people as I can. It's not my place to be selfish enough to not try something just because it would hurt me or put me in danger. That's not me. My job is to save people, they're my priority. Not me." Dean's face hardened into an expression of determination. He tried to hide the disappointment over what Cas had said desperately. 

Since when did Castiel not understand sacrificing for the greater good? When had things suddenly changed? He understood where his friend was coming from, watching his brother or any one of the hunters he knew suffer because they were trying to do their best to help people was never easy, but if not them, then who?

Cas said nothing for a long time. Dean let his gaze flicker to his friend a few times, but Cas didn't look back at him once, he just stared at the floor.

Then, softly, "Be selfish."

Dean did a double take at that. "What?"

Cas finally met his eyes, meeting Dean's look of utter disbelief with a clear expression of resoluteness.

"Be selfish," he said again, his voice louder this time. "You have spent your whole life making sacrifices for others and I stood by the past years doing nothing but enabling you to hurt yourself, and this will not happen any longer. I will  _ not _ let you get hurt anymore, whatever it takes, if I have to take your place or drag Lucifer back to the cage with my bare hands I will do it, so help me."

Dean stared at Cas, the words cutting deeply into him in every way possible. Yes, he had known Cas for years and together they went through more shit than anyone could ever imagine, and Dean _ told  _ him he was family, but this just felt like a punch in the face.

"You talk about not sacrificing myself and the next thing you say is how you would do the same for me," Dean said, almost whispering. 

He couldn't believe what Cas was saying, Dean  _ wasn’t  _ worthy of a goddamn angel sacrificing himself to save him. He couldn't understand where Castiel was coming from with this, couldn't understand why he'd say something like that. He felt utterly confused and overwhelmed by a strong feeling of worthlessness.

Wonderful, brave, loyal Cas was saying he'd die for him, and that was just something Dean couldn't deal with.

Cas hadn't said anything, waiting for the obvious storm of emotions and thoughts and doubts inside of Dean's head to subside, and when Dean searched Cas' eyes for an answer or a clue to what the hell he should do now, he only found softness looking back at him, watching, ready to interfere.

Dean's mind was screaming, overloaded with everything that had happened between them the past years, confused and trying to analyze everything at the same time. He balled his hands to fists and jumped off the chair, standing opposite Cas with fury in his eyes, chest heaving.

"How dare you," he breathed, voice shaking with anger, "How dare you say shit like that. Years ago you told me how  I thought I wasn't worth saving, and you're fucking  _ on point  _ with that. I didn't think so, I don't think so and I'll never think so. You wanna know why? Because it's the fucking _ truth _ . I'm fucked up six ways to sunday, I'm a goddamn mess and nothing will ever change that. Now you, you come in here and you tell me all of this shit about saving me and how I should be selfish and I just-"

Dean stopped talking for a second, his fingernails digging into his palms, his entire body rigid with confusion and anger.

"You come in here, an  _ angel _ , telling me you'd sacrifice yourself for me and telling me I'm worth saving and that's officially the worst fucking thing you've ever done. I don't know  _ why _ you say that, I don't know  _ why _ you keep insisting that-"

"Because I meant everything I said in that fucking barn and I'm past caring if this changes anything!" Cas yelled at him and Dean flinched even though he expected that outburst, had wanted to provoke Cas to finally spill the truth.

"You-" Dean started, but Cas interrupted him again, his face flushed red from anger and his eyes staring Dean down with such an intensity that Dean felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I love you!" Cas was almost screaming at him, trembling with emotion. "I told you back when I thought I was dying, when I actually  _ was _ dying, I meant it then and I mean it now. I've loved you for a long time and I will always love you, and if you need me to say it in order for you to accept that you  _ are _ worth something, that you're worth  _ everything _ to me and to Sam, then I'll do it. I'll tell you every day if you need me to."

Cas ended his speech on a more quiet note, his voice more level, fierce determination shining from his eyes. At some point while he was yelling at Dean he had gotten up as well and they were facing each other, both with heaving chests and drowning in a pool of emotions.

Dean just stared at him, utterly unable to reply anything to that. His head felt like it was exploding, reeling with memories and feelings, overcome with sharp bursts of guilt, loneliness and, above them all,  _ longing _ .

"Cas, I.. I don't know-" Dean tried to say something, to make sense of what was thrumming inside of his skull, trying desperately to get out, but he couldn't. He didn't know how, never learned how to talk about things that desperately needed to be talked about.

Cas looked at the floor for a few seconds, then straightened his back and redirected his gaze at Dean again. He had stopped trembling and seemed as calm as his old, robotic self, which Dean found scarier and more upsetting than any yelling.

"It's okay, Dean. You had to know. I chose to tell you and I explained why, and you don't have to say anything." Cas gave him what Dean guessed was supposed to be a reassuring smile, but it resembled a pained expression more than an uplifting one. Dean slowly let out the breath he was holding, but he was unable to return Cas' gaze.

"I need to think," he said, gave Cas another quick glance and then abruptly turned around and headed for his room, leaving Cas standing in the middle of the library.

He slammed the door shut and sat down on his bed with a sigh. He was suddenly overwhelmed with a weariness that seemed to settle deep into his bones. All of these years he had Cas by his side and even though he never once voiced something about this to Sam _ or _ Cas, he had thought about it. Of course he had.

The past handful of years had been filled with confusion and  questions, asking other hunters how they did it, having a significant other while living this life. He had memorized every word of his conversation with Mildred when she told him to follow his heart.

Recognizing love is fucking difficult if you've spent your whole life as a fucked up person with repressed feelings, trying to fake the personality everyone (other hunters and especially his Dad) wanted him to have, repressing things. He just recently started trying stuff he forbid himself before, thinking they weren't okay, and working through decades of sublimation was a fuckton of work.

Dean was almost never sure what he was feeling, but a few things he knew for certain.

One, Cas was the most important person to him besides Sam and he could not for the life of him imagine anything they had gone through without him by his side. Second was the fact that he always felt like Cas left a gaping hole behind when he left for a mission on his own, especially if he barely answered the phone or texted back. Dean never knew if he'd turn up dead the next moment or come back hurt because Dean hadn't been there to help. He wanted to have Cas with him all the time, he wanted to protect him and show him that he was wonderful and worth everything and that he should never feel like he was less to Dean than Sam is, because Dean's love for his brother and his love for Cas were to completely different things.

And that was the whole damn point, wasn't it? His love for Cas. It  _ was  _ love, he knew that, but not to what extent it consumed him and controlled what he was thinking, not until Cas was laying there dying and Dean had no chance of saving him. His perception of Cas had changed immensely but he had never known how to call that new feeling or what to do with it. He never assumed that Cas would even feel an ounce of what Dean felt, which, again, tied up nicely with Dean's whole deal of seeing himself as worthless, he knew that.

And now he knew how serious Cas had been with the things that were said in a dirty barn between gasps of agony, laced with desperation to make him  _ understand _ but free of fear of rejection, since your final breaths didn't leave much room for that.

Dean felt his mind suddenly zeroing in on their conversation from a few minutes ago, focusing on how his heart had felt like it would burst any second, filled to the brim with all of the things that would go unsaid between them. He wanted to scream it out, tell Cas how he felt and that he  _ did _ feel the same. Dean was more scared of that than of any monster he had ever encountered but he knew it had to be done. He couldn't just leave Cas there with uncertainty when he could feel everything like thunderstorms swimming in his veins.

He slowly got up, straightened his plaid shirt and took a deep breath. He had to talk to Cas.

Determined, he left his room and walked to the library.

"Cas, I'm sorry and.. Cas?" Dean scanned the room, but it was empty. 

He quickly went around the table, checking between the bookshelves, but no one was there. He jumped down the stairs to the war room, but it was empty as well.

Heart hammering, he ran to the kitchen which seemed to mock him with the deafening sound of silence. No one was there.

Dean started panicking. Had Cas left because of their conversation? Did something happen again? He raced to Cas room, but it stood empty too. He grabbed his hair, tearing slightly at the short strands and tried to ground himself and see clearly through the thick fog of panic that was starting to form in his head.

After a second of contemplation he spun around and jogged to the stairs of the bunker's main entrance, taking two steps at a time. Maybe Cas was outside, talking a walk to clear his head. He tore open the door and ran outside. No one was in front of the bunker, so maybe Cas was in the woods? Dean immediately started running in the direction of the beautiful clearing they had sat in and talked what felt like ages ago. He needed to get to Cas NOW.

A few minutes later he broke through the bushes on the edge of the clearing and came to a stop, his pulse thrumming loudly in his ears.

Cas was there, standing in the middle of the flowers and weeds. He had turned when Dean had made his way very loudly through the undergrowth.

Without any trace of hesitation Dean ran towards Cas who had a surprised expression on his face, his lips slightly parted as if he wanted to say something, but Dean beat him to it.

The second he was close enough, Dean grabbed Cas' face roughly, searching his eyes for a second before slamming his mouth to Cas', pressing in close without being too aggressive. Cas made a muffled noise of surprise against his lips and responded hesitantly at first.

Dean slowed the kiss down, marveling at the soft warmth of Cas' lips, the rasp of stubble against his own. He gently ran his tongue across Cas' bottom lip and the angel granted him access almost immediately. Dean smiled into the kiss, his tongue softly probing forward into Cas' mouth, letting him set the pace.

Cas's tongue was hot and tasted like honey and rain and thunderstorms. Dean loved every second of it, holding on tightly and Cas' arms snaked around his waist, pulling him in.

After a few seconds Dean slowed down again, pulling away enough to be able to rest his forehead against Cas'. They both licked their lips, tasting each other on them and their breaths mingled between their faces. Dean couldn't help but grin and he searched Cas' face.

He was met with pure adoration in the angel's eyes, a soft smile gracing his lips and his face was flushed. Slowly, Cas leaned forward and placed a sweet but lingering kiss on Dean's lips. He then pulled away and shakily exhaled.

"Dean.." Cas swallowed and Dean felt like he was staring into his very soul. "Is this.. do you want this? Or did you just do this because-"

"I want this, Cas." Dean interrupted him and stroked Cas' cheekbones with his thumbs. Cas leaned into the touch and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say this earlier but I didn't know how. You mean so much to me and that... that scared me, man." Dean huffed out a laugh and rested his forehead against Cas' again. Now that he could be close to him he didn't want to stop touching him for even a second. Cas' arms were still around him, wound tightly as if he was scared Dean would change his mind or leave.

"I mean it Cas," Dean said. "I'm not gonna take this back. I can't. I.. you, and me? If-" He closed his eyes for a second, working up the courage to ask.

"If.. if you want?"

Dean was met with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Cas' whole face lit up, his eyes shiny with emotion.

"I would like that very much," he said and Dean grinned at him, placing a sweet kiss on Cas' forehead before pulling him into a hug. Cas buried his face in Dean's neck, taking in the subtle smell of laundry detergent, leather and clean sweat. Cas kissed Dean's neck softly and held him even tighter. Dean felt Cas' hair tickle his cheek and nose but he ignored it, holding his angel close and determined to never let him go again.

  
  
  
Except, maybe, to make some food. But they'd find a solution for that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah! did you expect this? yes, no, maybe? leave me a comment! i dont know if this counts as 'slow burn' for everyone, but i felt like it was time. :-)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I know it's been long, and I apologize. Lots of life stuff happened, I hope you can forgive me.   
> This is the official last chapter of this fic, more info will be in the end notes. Happy reading! <3

“Let’s get back inside,” Dean mumbled into Cas’ hair, who was still pressed against him. They had spent the past maybe 30 minutes, maybe an hour, outside, still standing in the grass and not daring to let go of each other. 

Cas just hummed in response, pressing his face into Dean’s neck and breathing in the scent that was so purely _ Dean  _ it almost hurt his heart. He couldn’t believe what had happened today, how far they’ve gone and that he was allowed to have this now, finally and after years and years of questioning and pining and doubts over fears, constantly thrown around by what the world kept throwing at them.

After a minute Cas let go, slowly running his hands down Dean’s arms as he took a step back. He met the other man’s eyes, a mossy green sparkling through the night, full of love. Cas smiled brightly at him, this whole evening was so beautifully surreal he couldn’t help it. 

“Let’s go,” Cas agreed and Dean nodded, slowly extending his hand. Cas stared down at it and grabbed it tightly, intertwining their fingers. They turned and walked back to the bunker, making their way through the slightly misty woods and breathing in the clear air, hearts full of love and hope and happiness. During the entire walk back Cas couldn’t stop looking at Dean from the side, careful not to stumble over a lose root but insistent on burning this beautiful man’s face into his memory. 

Dean caught him looking and gave him a shy smile, eyes bright and his face open and kind. Dean held the bunker’s door open for him after they had reached it, and Cas felt a small flutter in his heart as he stepped inside. They made their way down to the library where they spotted Sam sitting on his usual chair, laptop propped open in front of him, typing away furiously. At the sounds of their footsteps he looked up and the slight frown on his face disappeared immediately, making way for a curious smile.

“Hey, you’re back! What happened? Are you guys alright?” 

At the lack of an immediate answer, Sam closed the laptop and turned around in his chair, fully facing Dean and Cas who were still standing in front of the first table awkwardly. Cas was unsure if Dean was ready to tell Sam yet, what he would tell him and if they needed to keep this a secret. He would be fine with it of course, but he couldn't help but think that he should’ve learned that any type of secret he had from Sam was probably a bad idea. He looked at Dean who was fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt, not meeting Sam’s eyes.

“Hey Sam, remember when we went looking for Cas? The uhm, talk we had before we left here?”

Sam nodded, then a giant grin spread on his face.

“So you guys are-” He gestured between them and Dean grinned right back, his hand sneaking down and grabbing Cas’.

“Yup. Scored me an angel,” Dean said and Cas huffed out a laugh. Dean gave him a crooked smile before adding, “and the hottest one as well.”

Cas rolled his eyes and Dean gave him a clumsy kiss on the cheek, a faint blush sneaking up his neck. Sam laughed, got up from his chair and pulled both of them into a big hug.

“Finally,” he said and Dean elbowed him into the side. The brothers both laughed and Cas, still holding Dean’s hand with Sam’s arm around his neck couldn’t help but feel incredibly happy at all of this.

“Although,” Sam said and stepped back slightly, eyeing Dean with a serious look on his face. “Kinda makes it awkward you told Cas, repeatedly, that he’s our brother.” 

Dean growled at that and proceeded to try and give Sam a noogie while the taller man couldn’t stop laughing. Cas enjoyed watching this immensely, too many times had he witnessed them fight about anything and everything. 

Sam twisted Dean’s arm and shoved him away half heartedly before pulling him in for a short hug. 

“I’m happy for you,” Sam said as he stepped back, squeezing Dean’s shoulder. 

“Thanks,” Dean said and shot Cas a grin, which he promptly returned. “Let’s go make some food, I’m starving,” Dean said and walked past Cas towards the hallway, not without giving him a soft nudge. Cas’ eyes followed Dean, observing how his whole posture seemed different, somehow less tense than what he was used to seeing. Dean always looked like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and seeing him even a small bit more relaxed intensified the warm, prickly feeling inside Cas’ chest. 

“When are you ever  _ not  _ starving,” Sam yelled after his brother and sat back down at the table. He looked at Cas with friendly eyes and Cas smiled at him tentatively. 

“I’m really, really glad you figured this out,” Sam said. “God knows you both deserve good things.” 

Cas’ heart seized at that statement. Sam’s selflessness continuously amazed him and he felt a deep sadness as he thought about the people Sam had once who would have been what Dean was for Cas now, had been for years, really. Sam deserved someone too and Cas wished he could have done something to save Eileen.

“Thank you Sam,” Cas said and tried to pour all of his emotions into that response. “I’m glad too,” he added after a moment and couldn’t help but break out in a warm smile, which Sam immediately returned. 

“You should help Dean in the kitchen. I’ll be done here in exactly..fifteen minutes. Just so you know.” 

Cas was confused at that. Why would he need to know when - 

“Oh,” Cas said softly and felt warmth creep up his face. Sam just laughed and opened his laptop again.

 

* 

 

“You have a bit of sauce on your chin,” Sam said between bites of edamame.

“And you have a bit of dumbo on _ yours _ .”

“That doesn’t even make sense, Dean.”

“Leave me and this absolutely delicious tomato sauce alone.”

“It’s literally pre cooked sauce from the grocery store,” Sam replied and gestured at the trash can, which was overflowing (again, it was Dean’s turn) and that had the empty packet peeking out at the top. 

“No, Cas made it.” 

“Dean, I appreciate your enthusiasm but Sam’s right, I didn’t do anything besides cutting the packet open and warming it up,” Cas said, throwing Sam an amused look.

“Well,” Dean frowned at both of them. “Excuse me for being happy about Cas’  _ fantastic  _ cooking skills.” 

Sam held up his hands in mock surrender and Dean nodded at him after a moment of contemplation. Both brothers resumed to dig into their meal and Cas smiled to himself at this newfound atmosphere. He felt loved and safe and, for the first time, he actually felt happy.

A loud ringing noise interrupted their meal and Sam immediately dropped his fork and all but sprinted out of the kitchen. Dean raised an eyebrow at that and got up as well, Cas following shortly behind. They found Sam in the war room, the ringing noise coming from their second laptop.

“They have someone at the police station,” Sam said and pocketed his phone. “It says it’s a young woman, pregnant and looking for us, apparently.”

“Us?” Dean asked and Cas felt him tense next to him for a second before Dean blurted out: “Is it Kelly?”

Sam nodded. “That’s what I was thinking. Fred said she knew our names,,” he said and walked towards the doorway that led to one of the hallways and then to the garage. 

Dean turned his head and looked at Cas, whose mouth had set into a grim line. “Let’s go,” Cas said and Dean hummed in agreement. 

  
They drove quietly. Dean didn’t turn the music on, Sam tapped his fingers against his leg and Cas looked out the window the whole drive, his thoughts in chaos if it was really Kelly and why she was suddenly looking for them.

A big enough parking spot was found quickly and the three got out of the car and entered the police station. A tall police officer with friendly hazel eyes greeted them, gesturing to the hallway that went past the front desk and led to a few closed doors.

“She’s waiting back there,” the man said and Sam nodded. “She came in and gave us your description, said your real names and that her name was Kelly. Also mentioned something about someone following her, so we put her in the back and have another officer sit with her.”

“Thanks Fred,” Dean said and knocked on the desk once before walking past it and making his way down the hall, Sam and Cas following behind. Cas didn’t mention to the man at the desk that Kelly most likely meant Dagon, and that a normal police officer wouldn’t be much help. He wasn’t sure however if the man was in on all things supernatural; he most likely was if Sam and Dean had some sort of information agreement with him but he didn’t want to cause a scene in a police station and risk losing access to Kelly.

They reached an open door which revealed a room with a small table with two chairs, a desk and several shelves with manila folders in them. A police officer sat at the desk, and at the small table with her back to them, sat Kelly.

The officer looked up as Sam knocked on the doorframe and smiled. “Are you Sam and Dean Winchester?”

The brothers nodded and Kelly turned around. She seemed anxious and had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was messy and her skin pale. The police woman looked at Kelly and she nodded. 

“That’s them,” Kelly said. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” the woman replied as Kelly got up and faced the three of them. Her shoulders were hunched, her eyes big and Cas noticed her hands were shaky where they held her bag around her belly. He stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, we’ll take you home,” Cas said and Kelly met his eyes. He gave her a small smile, trying to look reassuring and not angry that she had run away from him in the first place. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment before smiling back. Dean offered a hand, gesturing to her big handbag, and she shot him a grateful look as he took it. 

Now as four, they made their way back outside and got into the Impala. 

“Well,” Dean said as he put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking spot, “welcome back.” 

Kelly fumbled with the buttons on her jacket. “Thank you,” she said and met Dean’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “And thank you for picking me up. I only knew which town you lived in but not where, and I didn’t know any other way to find you. I hope I didn’t get you in any type of trouble.”

“You didn’t, don’t worry,” Sam replied and Kelly seemed to relax a little at that. “Why now though? I mean, we’re happy you decided to come to us, but what happened?”

“Dagon,” Kelly said. “She’s insane, there were demons who kept coming to wherever we were staying, they wanted to look at me and it was just.. horrible. I felt like a zoo animal.” 

Cas felt sadness and guilt creep up at that. He wished deeply that this woman wouldn’t have to go through any of this, even though he knew it couldn’t be changed now. 

“It’s okay,” Cas said and offered his hand. “You’re safe with us now, we’ll find a solution. I promise.”

Kelly searched his eyes for a moment, then took his offered hand and squeezed it. She held onto it as she looked outside the window, watching the fields fly by as they made their way to the bunker. Cas met Dean’s eyes in the rearview mirror and Dean nodded at him. Cas smiled and exhaled softly.

They’d find a way, but for now, Kelly was safe and they were all together. And that, after all, was the most important thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. this is it. I finished it.
> 
> I changed the ending multiple times and I'm aware it's cliffhanger-y, and there will be a sequel at some point in the future. Right now I'm working on a bigger fic project though that I want to concentrate on as well as enjoy the party that season 13 has been so far. I'm extremely happy to finish this, thank you so much for reading and if you'd like leave me a comment!
> 
> Thanks to my best friend who helped motivate me when this fic was in it's baby shoes, you're awesome and I love you.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr at wearingmywings.tumblr.com! <3


End file.
